Busting Common Myths About Long-Distance Relationships

People have a lot of assumptions about long distance relationships. They're doomed to fail. They're too much work. They're unfulfilling. The truth is that a lot of these ideas just aren't true! In this article, we've broken down some of the most common myths and misconceptions when it comes to long-distance romance to help set the record straight.

Method 1
Method 1 of 10:
Myth: Long distance relationships never last.

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    Fact: Distance doesn’t determine whether couples stay together or not. Typical relationships, where both partners live in the same place, are no more likely to succeed than long distance relationships. Studies suggest that couples break up at roughly the same frequency regardless of whether they live in the same place or not.[1] Even when we’re talking about a 1 year+ time frame, there isn’t any evidence that long distance relationships are more likely to fail.[2]
    • The physical distance between two people matters less than their ability to communicate and be open with one another.[3] The more flexible, appreciative, and honest people are, the more likely it is that their relationship lasts.[4]
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Method 2
Method 2 of 10:
Myth: Long distance relationships require more work.

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    Fact: Every kind of relationship requires work, but long distance may actually be easier. While it’s true that long distance relationships do take work, the idea that they’re a lot more work than a relationship where both partners live near each other isn’t true! Both types of relationships require work—the kind of work is just a bit different.[5]
    • Some people in long distance relationships actually find them easier because they’re less stressful. People can feel a lot of pressure if they live with (or super close to) their partner. Many people are happier in a long distance relationship because they feel a greater sense of freedom and autonomy.[6]
    • Thanks to things like social media and video chatting, it’s a lot easier to stay in touch with a long-distance partner nowadays.[7]

Method 3
Method 3 of 10:
Myth: Long distance relationships aren’t “real” relationships.

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    Fact: Distance doesn’t make someone’s love invalid. Commitment, affection, appreciation, and respect are dramatically more important than whether someone is living in the same physical space as their partner. Plus, long distance relationships are a lot more common than people might think. Lots of people make long distance work, and their relationships are definitely “real.”[8]
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Method 4
Method 4 of 10:
Myth: Everything would be better if a couple wasn’t long-distance.

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    Fact: Your relationship isn’t at a disadvantage if you’re long-distance. People who are happy when they live together tend to be happy when they’re far apart as long as they stay in contact. There isn’t any evidence that the distance is meaningful when it comes to the quality of a relationship. Distance can be difficult on an individual level without a doubt, but on its own it won’t improve or dissolve your relationship.[9]
    • This isn’t to say that certain elements of a relationship wouldn’t be easier if two people were closer. It’s certainly easier to express physical affection if you’re in the same room, for example. But those smaller obstacles don’t make it impossible to have a fulfilling, joyous relationship.

Method 5
Method 5 of 10:
Myth: You don’t need a long-term plan if it’s meant to be.

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    Fact: It’s helpful to agree on a timeline for closing the distance. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being in a long distance relationship, but it’s often easier for couples to cope with the distance if there’s a timeline for when it will end.[10] If there’s no end in sight, it can start to weigh heavy on the relationship, so it’s usually better for long distance couples to discuss this. Things are typically easier if there’s an organized plan to get together in the future.[11]
    • It’s okay if a couple’s plan is to develop a plan! A few months or a year of distance is a lot more bearable if everyone is on the same page about the future.
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Method 6
Method 6 of 10:
Myth: You should avoid hard conversations if you’re long-distance.

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    Fact: Communicating about the big stuff is especially important. If you never tackle important topics that make you uncomfortable, it’s going to be hard to work through obstacles together.[12] The good news is that couples often find it easier to have tough conversations when they’re long-distance! If you live near somebody, you have an incentive not to “rock the boat,” but that’s not an issue when you’re long-distance.[13]
    • Think about how awesome and fulfilling it will be if you don’t have to have these tough conversations in person! If you talk about them when you’re away from one another, you can get that stuff out of the way so that you can just enjoy the time you get to spend face-to-face.

Method 7
Method 7 of 10:
Myth: The distance won’t be hard if you’re in love.

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    Fact: It can feel lonely and difficult if you’re apart for too long. While there are definitely some benefits to a bit of distance, that doesn’t mean things can’t be tough sometimes. People may get lonely, jealous, or frustrated when they’re unable to physically lean on their partner for comfort. Long distance isn’t always easy, but it can be worth it if you value your relationship![14]
    • Some people might be totally fine with the distance and not experience as many of these challenges. This is especially true if two people get to see each other in-person on a regular basis.[15]
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Method 8
Method 8 of 10:
Myth: Staying faithful is hard for long distance couples.

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    Fact: Healthy long distance couples shouldn’t need to worry about this. A healthy relationship can handle some distance and still maintain a level of trust and commitment. If someone in the relationship is struggling with staying faithful, that’s usually a sign of a deeper problem that doesn’t necessarily have to do with being apart.[16]
    • It’s normal for people to experience some jealousy or fear when they don’t see their partner very often. An open and honest discussion is the healthiest way to deal with these feelings.[17]

Method 9
Method 9 of 10:
Myth: Partners need to talk to each other every day if they’re long distance.

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    Fact: Communication is important, but there’s no rule about how often people need to talk. For some couples, talking once (or more) a day will feel right. For others, it won’t seem necessary. As long as two people find ways to connect on a regular basis, they don’t need to keep track of how often they talk or put pressure on themselves to talk every day.[18]
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Method 10
Method 10 of 10:
Myth: You should stop going out if it makes your partner jealous.

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    Fact: Distance from a partner isn’t a good reason to isolate yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeing friends and enjoying yourself, and if your partner is struggling to cope with that, it’s something the two of you should talk about together. However, the distance on its own isn’t a compelling reason to stop hanging out with people. Jealousy is natural, but tackling the issue directly instead of compromising over who you hang out with is a much healthier way to go.[21]
    • Part of this jealousy just comes from the imagination. People tend to imagine the worst when they aren’t there to actually observe what’s going on. Reminding your partner that you care about them and that nobody is going to take you away from them can help quell a lot of jealous impulses.[22]
    • It’s extremely important to point out that there’s no evidence to suggest that long-distance relationships are more prone to jealousy and uncertainty than couples who live in the same location.[23]

Community Q&A

  • Question
    How do I trust my boyfriend in a long distance relationship?
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Make sure you're both open and honest with one another to help prevent feelings of insecurity.
  • Question
    How do you maintain communication in a long distance relationship?
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Try communicating via several methods. Switch off between texting, chatting on social media, calling, and video chatting. This can help keep things fresh and will add variety to your relationship. Additionally, you won't feel tied to your phone.
  • Question
    What kills a long distance relationship?
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Not being open and honest with each other. Talk regularly and share your true feelings. Additionally, discuss your expectations for the relationship and bring up a problem as soon as it arises. Don't be afraid to have tough conversations because they'll help your relationship in the long-run.

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References

  1. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23763685/
  2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6241008/
  3. ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
  4. ↑ https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2020-11/uor-wma112520.php
  5. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2013.864367?journalCode=usmt20#.VZwmtxNVikq
  6. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23763685/
  7. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/05/long-distance-relationships/589144/
  8. ↑ https://time.com/5316307/best-long-distance-relationship-tips-experts/
  9. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/0092623X.2013.864367?journalCode=usmt20#.VZwmtxNVikq
  1. ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
  2. ↑ https://time.com/5316307/best-long-distance-relationship-tips-experts/
  3. ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
  4. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/05/long-distance-relationships/589144/
  5. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01463370109385624
  6. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01463370109385624
  7. ↑ https://behrend.psu.edu/student-life/student-services/personal-counseling/student-resources/long-distance-relationships
  8. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25751046/
  9. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
  10. ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
  11. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/08/26/906236738/long-distance-relationships-are-tough-heres-advice-for-making-them-work
  12. ↑ https://dukespace.lib.duke.edu/dspace/bitstream/handle/10161/9039/Blomquist_duke_0066D_12532.pdf%3Bsequence=1
  13. ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40806-019-00207-y
  14. ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01463370109385624

About This Article

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Co-authored by:
Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
This article was co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). This article has been viewed 1,572 times.
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Co-authors: 8
Updated: August 25, 2021
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Categories: Long Distance Relationships
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