How to End Casual Dating

Co-authored by Cher Gopman and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: August 25, 2021

When it comes to the world of dating, casual relationships can be especially hard to navigate. Maybe your relationship lost its spark, or you just don’t feel the same way that you did before. Telling the other person you want to end things can be intimidating and awkward, but you owe it to them, and yourself, to be upfront about your feelings. Not to worry—we’ve answered a lot of your frequently-asked questions, so you can move toward a happier, healthier chapter in your future.

Question 1

Question 1 of 10:
When is it time to end a casual relationship?

1
End the relationship when you’re no longer interested in the other person. Don’t try to extend the relationship, or wait for the “magic” to come back. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel the same way you did before, but it’s best to let your hook-up know as soon as you can.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Don’t keep the other person on “standby” until a new person comes along. Instead, break things off as soon as you can. This way, you can start looking for someone who really satisfies your needs.

Question 2

Question 2 of 10:
Should I end things in person?

1
Yes, it's best to talk to them in person. Even if you haven’t been hooking up for that long, it’s still worth meeting face-to-face whenever you decide to break things off. Shoot them a text or give them a call and see if they’re free to meet up.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- During COVID-19, in-person meet-ups might not be possible. In this case, call them on the phone instead.

Question 3

Question 3 of 10:
When should I have the conversation?

1
Schedule the meet-up at a convenient time. Try not the meet up first thing in the morning, or right when the other person gets off work. Instead, pick a time when you both can focus on the conversation without any distractions.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- You might meet up on the weekend, or sometime in the early evening.

Question 4

Question 4 of 10:
How do I break things off without being rude?

1
Be honest but considerate about how you’re feeling. Let them know that you aren’t really into the relationship and that you need to break things off. Try to politely explain how you’re feeling, and let them know why things haven’t been working.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- You might say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I can’t really see this relationship going anywhere. I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other.”

Question 5

Question 5 of 10:
How do I end things on a good note?

1
Express yourself with “I” statements. “I” statements focus entirely on your feelings and experiences and don’t stick any blame on the other person. These statements are a great way to be honest without hurting any feelings in the process.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- You could say something like, “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately, and I’m not ready for a relationship” or “My schedule is really exhausting, and I don’t have the energy for late-night booty calls.”

Question 6

Question 6 of 10:
Is it okay to end a casual relationship over text?

1
Yes, it’s okay to send a text. Texts aren’t the ideal way to end things, but they’re definitely better than nothing. If the relationship is really casual, a basic text can break things off while still providing the other person with closure.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- You could say, “It’s been fun getting to know you, but I don’t really feel a connection here. Best wishes!”
- You might also text something like, “I don’t feel like we’re a good match. It’s nothing personal, but I think it’s best if we stop meeting up.”
- Some experts don’t think text message break-ups are a good idea.^{[7]
  X
  Research source} However, a text message is still better than no explanation at all.^{[8]
  X
  Research source}

Question 7

Question 7 of 10:
How do I end things with someone who won’t commit?

1
Let them know that they aren’t satisfying your needs. It can be really tough when you and your hook-up have different long-term goals for the relationship. Instead, let them know that the relationship isn’t meeting your needs, and that you need to break things off. Stress that, while you don’t have any hard feelings, you don’t want to meet up with them anymore.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- You might say something like, “I’ve had a fun time over the past few weeks, but I’m really looking for a long-term relationship. I really wish you the best, but I need to put myself first.”

Question 8

Question 8 of 10:
Is it okay to delete them on social media after we’ve split up?

1
Yes, that’s perfectly fine. It can be tough to see them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram every time you log on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with unfriending, unfollowing, or even blocking them to give yourself a sense of space and privacy.^{[10]
X
Research source}

Question 9

Question 9 of 10:
Is it okay to ghost someone?

1
No, ghosting isn’t usually a good idea. Ghosting, or cutting off communication without any explanation, may seem like the easy way out, but it leaves your ex with a lot more questions than answers. Instead, at least shoot them a text to let them know that you don’t want to go out anymore. This way, the other person won’t wonder what went wrong.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Try to put yourself in their shoes. Would you be okay with someone ghosting you, or would you rather get some kind of explanation?
2
Ghosting is only okay if the relationship is abusive or manipulative. If your ex is abusive, manipulative, or ignorant of your boundaries, it’s okay to cut things off without any explanation. Your safety and emotional wellbeing are most important!^{[12]
X
Research source}

Question 10

Question 10 of 10:
Is it okay if we still hook up once in a while?

1
No, this isn’t a good idea. Hooking up can lead to a lot of mixed messages, and will only complicate things in the future. Instead, try to break things off as cleanly as possible, so you can both move on.^{[13]
X
Research source}

Community Q&A

Question

What should I do if I'm not sure whether I want to break up or not?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Ask yourself a series of basic questions about the relationship, and answer them honestly. Do they make you a better person? Do they make you happy? Do they make you better and stronger? If the answer to some, or all of those questions is "no," it's probably time to move on.
Question

Why break up with someone if it's just a casual thing?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Your time is valuable. If you don't see a future with this other person and you're not enjoying yourself, just move on. If you're still having fun and the other person adds something to your life, it's totally fine to stay together!