How to Encourage Children

Last Updated: October 27, 2021 References

Whether you are a teacher, babysitter, or parent, you can encourage children to pursue their goals, behave well, and develop their self-esteem. By showing the child you care for them, love them, and accept them for who they are, the child can develop their own skills, abilities, and interests. Praise children for good behavior, and avoid using harsh or critical phrasing. With love and attention, children will grow to feel encouraged and confident in themselves.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:
Promoting Good Behavior

1
Provide clear, simple instruction for the child to follow.^{[1]
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Wits End Parenting
Parenting Specialists
Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.} Ask the child to do things in simple, direct words, and use a positive tone when doing so. This way, they understand what is expected of them and can perform the task correctly. Giving children basic responsibility helps them feel worthwhile, and they are likely to behave appropriately.^{[2]
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- For example, say something like, “Jack, can you please bring me the telephone?” or “Please close the front door.”
- Avoid using a negative tone with your instruction. For instance, avoid saying something like, “Don’t leave the front door open.”
- You should also reward positive behaviors with specific verbal praise. For example, you could say something like, “I love that you put the trash in the trash can!”
2
Foster a safe environment to support the child. Ensure that the child’s playroom and/or bedroom has plenty of safe, stimulating toys. In addition, keep any sharp or glass objects away from the child to prevent any injuries. Having an optimistic, playful environment can help the child behave well, as their environment easily influences them.^{[3]
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- In addition, avoid placing the child in a noisy, crowded room, as this can be overstimulating for them.
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3
Be understanding and patient with the child when you can. Listen actively to the child to understand their perspective, and be patient if they need help understanding something or completing a task. If you are short or snap at the child, they will likely mirror this behavior in the future.^{[4]
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- For example, if the child is not fully potty trained yet and has an accident, let them know it’s okay. Explain that next time they can let you know if they have to use the restroom.
4
Stay firm when you say “no” to avoid whining or temper tantrums.^{[5]
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Wits End Parenting
Parenting Specialists
Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.} This may take practice and some patience, but it is important to be stern when telling the child no. If you don’t, they may learn to annoy or nag you into agreeing with them, rather than respecting your decision. If they are upset about your decision, reassure them it is okay and offer positive reinforcement for something else.^{[6]
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- For example, if the child wants a new toy and they start to cry, say “Hey, it’s okay. We can go play in the park instead.”
5
Say loving, supportive phrases to the child every day. Find a time in each day to say, “I love you” or a similarly uplifting phrase. This can be at the beginning of the day or right before bed, for instance. Consistent praise and words of affection help assure the child that they are supported and encouraged.^{[7]
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- Rather than, "I love you," say things like “You’re so awesome!” and “You’re my sunshine,” if you are a babysitter or teacher.
6
Avoid criticizing the child’s actions and promoting perfectionism. Respect the learning process, and work with the child through positive reinforcement rather than harsh criticism. Consistent criticism can cause the child to feel low self-esteem or self-worth, rather than feeling supported and nurtured. If you are very critical, the child may feel as though all of their actions must be perfect and precise, which is not encouraging.^{[8]
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- For example, after the child finishes an art project, say something like, “Wow, I love your use of color!” rather than “You missed a spot on the right side.”
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:
Supporting the Child’s Interests

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Expose the child to diverse activities so they can try new things. If you are a teacher or babysitter, take the child on many field trips, such as museum and galleries, to expose them to different things and get inspired. If you are a parent, sign them up for sports clubs, hobby groups, and after-school activities. Providing the child with a broad range of potential interests is a great way to help them find what suits their fancy.^{[9]
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- For example, sign the child up for softball, get them violin lessons, or teach them how to fish. This way, they can try new things and find out what they like and dislike.
- Older children might shy away from new activities. You can encourage them to try them out by offering incentives, asking them to try it just once, or by simply keeping a firm stance.
2
Let the child pick their own passions and interests.^{[10]
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Wits End Parenting
Parenting Specialists
Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.} It is important to allow the child to gravitate to their own likes and dislikes rather than imposing your own opinions or desires on them. This way, they can naturally grow and learn about themselves. If the child is particularly excited about 1 topic, do what you can to support their interests.^{[11]
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- For example, if the child is very excited about learning about history, take them to a local historic monument, and teach the child about famous people in history.
- If the child dislikes his soccer team but really likes football, let them play football instead.
- If the child dreams of being an astronaut, read books on famous astronauts and watch movies about outer space together.
3
Ask engaging questions to stimulate creative thinking. To connect with the child and foster creativity, ask them questions that don’t require a simple “yes” or “no” answer. Respond to a child’s question by saying something like, “I’m not sure. How can we find out the answer?” This encourages them to think for themselves, rather than relying on adults for all the answers.^{[12]
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- For example, if you are the babysitter and the child asks why the sky is blue, say something like, “I don’t know. What do you think?” before providing the correct answer.
4
Provide supportive reinforcement for the child’s effort rather than ability. It doesn’t matter if the child is an all-star right away. Say “Great job!” regardless of the results so they feel supported in their efforts, not the execution. This way, the child feels confident to continue to try new things.^{[13]
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- For example, if the child gets out while playing tee-ball, say something like, “Good effort, bud!” rather than only praising the child when they make it to the base.
- If the child is not putting forth any effort, motivate them with positive examples. For example, you can say something like, "Hey, remember when you helped me with the dishes? That was really nice of you. Could you do that again, please?"
5
Don’t use negative or discouraging phrasing. Children are sensitive to negative words and phrases as they develop their sense of self. If you communicate with negativity, this can rub off on the child. Try to use uplifting phrasing at all times with the child, even if you are tired or upset.^{[14]
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- For example, if you are upset that the child did not listen to you, say something like “Could you please try again?” rather than “You didn’t do this correctly.”
- If the child continues to repeat the negative behavior, you can also simply redirect them to a new activity.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:
Setting a Positive Example

1
Play with the children to have fun and let go. A great way to set an example for the child is to play with them. They see that you are on their level, and this makes them feel supported. Engaging in playtime teaches the child to prioritize time to have fun and relax. For instance, play catch, throw a frisbee or play a board game together.
- Other ideas include flying a kite or going on a bike ride.
2
Listen to what the child has to say and provide positive feedback. If you listen attentively to the child, they will be encouraged to do the same with their peers. If the child is talking about their day at school or about playing with their friends, give them your undivided attention so they feel like you are truly listening. If you want to provide advice or insight, make sure it’s coming from a place of compassion so the child feels cared for.^{[15]
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- For example, if the child asks you what to do about a bully, say something like, “I’m sorry you are having trouble with other students. Ask them politely to stop, and then ask a guidance counselor for help if you need to.” If you are a teacher, you may have to intervene to stop the bullying.
3
Perform behaviors that you want children to mimic.^{[16]
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Wits End Parenting
Parenting Specialists
Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.} You can do this for nearly any behavior you want to rub off onto the child. To encourage the child to use proper manners, do it yourself. Always say “please” when requesting something, and respond with “thank you” when someone completes a task.^{[17]
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- For example, say “please” and “thank you” while speaking to other students, talking to the child's parents, or going grocery shopping.
- This may seem minor, but it can make a difference over time.
- Make saying “please” into a game by keeping track of how many times the child says it.
4
Keep a sense of humor to foster a positive mood. Throughout your daily life, hum to songs and joke around to keep a lighthearted mood overall. This creates a positive environment overall, and the child will likely feel supported as a result. Setting an example is important when encouraging the children to be optimistic as well.^{[18]
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- For example, pretend to be a hungry tickle monster who will attack unless the toys are picked up.
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Expert Q&A

Question

How can I help encourage my kids?

Wits End Parenting
Parenting Specialists
Wits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression. Wits End Parenting's counselors incorporate positive discipline that is tailored to each child’s temperament while also providing long-term results, freeing parents from the need to continually re-invent their discipline strategies.

Wits End Parenting

Parenting Specialists

Expert Answer

Ask your kids about their passions and hobbies and do what you can to help promote them.