How to Ask Your Girlfriend to Hold Hands

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: November 17, 2021 References Approved

Ah, love—sometimes just the thought of your girlfriend is enough to put butterflies in your stomach. If you’re thinking about asking her to hold hands, you may feel a little nervous. The good news is there are things you can do to ask her in a way that feels natural and makes her feel comfortable. To make it a little easier for you, we’ve put together a helpful list you can use when you do ask her to hold hands.

Method 1

Method 1 of 15:
Ask her to warm your hands up.

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Take advantage of chilly weather with this cute move. Rub your hands together and mention how cold they are. Then, give your girlfriend a smile and ask her to help you warm them up. Hold both hands out to her as you do this. Chances are, she'll put her hands onto yours to warm them up. When she does, it will be easy to shift to a hand holding position.^{[1]
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- This probably won't work quite as well if it's hot out, but you could save it for when you head inside where there’s air conditioning!
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Method 2

Method 2 of 15:
Stay calm and confident.

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Try to relax and settle your nerves before you make your move. It’s completely normal to feel a little nervous and anxious before you try to hold your girlfriend’s hand, especially if it’s for the first time. Try to think positively by imagining how great it’ll be to hold her hand. You can also try to take some deep breaths to calm your mind. Do whatever you can to relax yourself before you ask her.^{[2]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 15:
Pay attention to her body language.

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Look for signs that she’s interested in getting closer to you. Positive body language, such as your girlfriend leaning in towards you or if she has relaxed, open arms is a good sign! If she’s leaning away or has her arms crossed, it could be a sign that she’s not interested in holding hands and you may want to back off.^{[3]
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- Additionally, if her hands are closed into a fist and she keeps turning away from you, it may not be the best time to try to hold her hand.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 15:
Put your hand close to hers.

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Brush knuckles with her or keep your hand next to hers. If you’re walking together, try allowing your hand to get close enough to hers to gently touch it. If you’re sitting together somewhere, try placing your arm and hand as close as you can so it’s super easy for you to hold her hand when the time is right.^{[4]
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- For instance, if you’re at the movies with your girlfriend, try placing your arm next to hers on the armrest so your hands are close together.

Method 5

Method 5 of 15:
Ask her directly if you’re not sure how she feels.

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It’s never a bad idea to make sure she’s okay with holding hands first. If you really don’t know how your girlfriend is feeling or if your relationship is still pretty new, try asking her if it’s okay if you hold her hand. The worst thing that could happen is she’ll say no. But she’ll be grateful that you were kind enough to ask first. Here are a few different ways you can ask her:^{[5]
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- "Can I hold your hand?”
- "Do you want to hold my hand?"
- "May I get the honor of holding your hand?"
- "I want to hold your hand right now—is that alright?"
- "My hand is lonely—can you hold it to keep it company?"
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Method 6

Method 6 of 15:
Take her hand if you’re feeling confident.

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Go for it! If the timing just seems right you can tell that she’s super into you, reach out and casually hold her hand. If she’s okay with it, she’ll keep holding your hand. If not, she’ll pull away.^{[6]
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- If she does pull away, don’t force the issue. She may not be ready or feel comfortable just yet.

Method 7

Method 7 of 15:
Try bumping into her and holding her hand if you’re shy.

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If she’s interested, she’ll keep holding your hand. If you’re feeling too nervous to ask her, try a more playful approach. If she doesn’t pull away, just keep holding her hand!^{[7]
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Method 8

Method 8 of 15:
Offer her your arm first.

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Make it a cute chivalrous gesture. If you're walking with your girlfriend, confidently hold your arm out to her with your elbow bent. This will signal to her that she should put her hand on your arm. You can then place your opposite hand over hers, or just keep walking the way you are.^{[8]
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- This sweet, romantic move might not be quite the same as hand-holding, but it will help the two of you break the touch barrier, so holding hands might feel easier later on.
- If she gives you a confused look, it's fine to say something like, "I thought it would be cute if you put your hand on my arm, like in the movies!"

Method 9

Method 9 of 15:
Come up with an excuse to check out her hand.

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Pretend you're a palm reader or give her a small gift. Any excuse will work. Confidently cup your hands in front of you and say, "Can I see your hands?" Gently hold her hands in yours and stare at her palms, examine her nail polish, or place something into her hand.^{[9]
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- You could also ask her to hold her hand up to yours to compare the sizes.^{[10]
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- After a moment, if you're feeling brave, slide your hand into hers and go back to talking normally.
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Method 10

Method 10 of 15:
Grab her hand during a scary movie.

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Suspense is the perfect excuse for hand holding. Queue up something spooky on Netflix or head to the theater for the latest horror flick. Either way, when things start to get really tense, it's the perfect time to reach over and give her hand a quick squeeze.^{[11]
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- Not only do you get to hold your girlfriend's hand, but you'll seem super reassuring—bonus!

Method 11

Method 11 of 15:
Lead her somewhere by the hand.

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Pull her with you to something you're excited to see. Okay, so maybe you're just using that new school bulletin board as an excuse to grab her hand. That's fine! Just slip your hand into hers and say something like "Let's go!" or "Come with me!"^{[12]
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- When you get there, keep holding her hand unless she pulls it away.
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Method 12

Method 12 of 15:
Give her a hand massage as a coy lead-in.

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Don't let go at the end. Show off your amazing masseuse skills—it's okay if you're totally faking it—by giving her a gentle hand rub. Press lightly on the heel of her hand (the area under her thumb), then draw your thumbs across her palm from the base of her fingers toward her wrist or in circles. Eventually, slip your fingers into hers, and voila, you're holding hands!

Method 13

Method 13 of 15:
Mix up your hand-holding technique to keep it interesting.

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Change things up from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with the classic technique of clasping your palms together, but you can try switching it up to something like interlocking fingers, using both hands to hold her hand, or even just holding onto 1 finger. Keep it casual and natural and just go with what feels good.^{[13]
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Method 14

Method 14 of 15:
Use hand-holding to build a bond with your girlfriend.

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It’s a great way to establish an emotional and physical connection. While it may seem just like an innocent and cute way to tell someone you like them, some women actually prefer to express their feelings by holding hands instead of kissing. Whether you’re still getting to know your girlfriend, or you’ve been together for a long time, holding hands is a simple and effective way to build and strengthen your bond with her.^{[14]
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- Even if you and your girlfriend aren’t feeling as emotionally connected as you once were, holding her hand can be a great way to try to rekindle your feelings for each other.

Method 15

Method 15 of 15:
Don’t get upset if she rejects your attempt.

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Accept her decision and respect her feelings. If your girlfriend pulls her hand away or says no when you ask her to hold her hand, don’t get upset or angry. Definitely don’t try to hold her hand anyway. Calmly accept her decision.^{[15]
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Research source} Who knows—she just may not be in the mood. She also may want to wait a little longer before she holds your hand. Whatever the case, don’t react negatively.

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Community Q&A
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Question

Is there a right way I should hold my girlfriend's hand?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

There are a lot of different ways you can try. If you're walking, loosely hold their hand without squeezing too hard. If you're sitting next to each other, you can sandwich her hand between both of your hands to show your affection even more.
Question

How do I let go without being rude?

Community Answer

Like the article said, you could easily give her/his hand a light squeeze and let go as a way of saying, "This was nice, but it's time to let go." Another way is to slowly but surely loosen your grip around his/her hand. When you loosen your grip, they will most likely do the same and you can let go.
Question

If I slightly touch someone's hand, will they hold hands with me?

Community Answer

There's a good chance they will if they like you and/or if you're in a relationship with them. For example, your boyfriend would probably take that as a hint to hold your hand, but if you're sitting next to a friend and you do that, they'll probably just think you touched them on accident.
Question

Is it okay to hold hands if we have only been dating for 2 days? Also, does this work with same sex relationships?

Community Answer

If you both feel comfortable, then it’s okay. There's no particular amount of time you must wait before holding hands. And yes, same sex relationships work just the same as opposite sex relationships.
Question

How do I hold hands in class in secret?

Community Answer

At my school the desks were set up in pairs , so it was pretty easy to hold hands under the desks. If that isn’t an option, maybe try holding hands in the hallway.
Question

I have a crush on a girl (I'm lesbian and so is she), and I am going to ask her out, but I want to hold hands too. How can I do that - just walk to class or something and grab her hand?

Community Answer

Try to get someplace you can be alone. Maybe ask them out to a place that you and your friends would go to as friends. The movies are a great place because one, it’s dark and leads to privacy, so nobody would crash your party. Two, you're already engaged in an activity that doesn’t require movement, and three, if they don’t want to hold your hand, then they won’t make a scene about it.
Question

What do I do if I'm too nervous to hold my girlfriend's hand?

Community Answer

You may find the tips in Stop Fearing Rejection helpful.
Question

Should I hold hands if I'm nervous?

Community Answer

If you want to, then yes. Wait until you get comfortable. Try hugging more often to make you more comfortable around each other.
Question

How can I start a conversation before telling her that I want to hold her hand?

Community Answer

Just start it like any other conversation you have had with her. It doesn't have to be about your relationship, it could just be like, "How was your day," etc. Then just ask if you can hold her hand.
Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a while. Every time I mention it, he brushes it off. Is it still okay to ask?

Community Answer

Sure, it's OK to ask, but if he continues to avoid the subject, he may not be ready to hold hands.

Warnings

Always respect your girlfriend’s wishes when it comes to physical contact. Never try to touch her or hold her hand if she’s not okay with it.

Thanks!
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