Had a Fight with Your Partner? How to Decide Whether to Call or Give Them Space

Co-authored by John Keegan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 23, 2021 References

It’s completely normal (and healthy) for couples to argue from time to time. But when you’ve just had a huge argument and you’re not talking, it can be tough to know how and when to break the silence. If you’re contemplating whether or not you should call your partner, read through these common questions before you make your decision.

Question 1

Question 1 of 6:
Should I call my partner first after an argument?

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Yes, but try to wait a few hours. You probably both need space to cool off after a heated argument. It doesn’t matter who was in the “wrong”—if you want to call them, you should. Open and honest communication will help you solve your issues faster than waiting for your partner to reach out first.^{[1]
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- If you still need more space and time to process—or you still feel like you need to be right—don’t call them yet.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
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Question 2

Question 2 of 6:
Why do guys go silent after an argument?

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He might need some time to work through his emotions. Taking time for yourself after an argument is normal, and it’s okay to go quiet for a little while just to cool off. It’s important to let your partner take the time they need to readjust emotionally before diving right back into your relationship.^{[3]
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Question 3

Question 3 of 6:
How long should I give my partner space after an argument?

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A few hours is probably enough. Everyone’s different, and your partner might need more or less time than you to calm down. In general, men need more time and space after an argument than women do. If you aren’t sure, simply reach out to your partner and ask if they’re ready to talk yet.^{[4]
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- If you’re the one who needs space, just say something like, “I’m not trying to ignore you, but I still need more time to cool off.”
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Question 4

Question 4 of 6:
How do you apologize after an argument?

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Say “I’m sorry” for your part in the argument. It takes two to tango, and chances are you aren’t 100% guilt-free in this scenario. Even if you didn’t start the argument, go to your partner and say sorry for raising your voice or getting too heated. Chances are, your partner will apologize, too. You might say something like, “I’m sorry I took it too far by yelling at you. It wasn’t okay, and I understand why you reacted the way you did.”^{[5]
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- Let your partner know you still care about them, even though you argued.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
2
Go back and solve the problem. Once you’ve both had a chance to calm down and say sorry, it’s time to actually fix the issue. Work through the problem without yelling or getting angry to foster a helpful discussion.^{[7]
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- Sometimes, all your partner really needs from you is for you to listen to what they have to say, without criticizing or judging them.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Try to come up with a compromise that makes you both happy. For instance, if you feel like your partner isn’t helping as much around the house, consider making a chore chart and splitting them 50/50.
- Or, if you feel like your partner isn’t paying enough attention to you, maybe you could set up a schedule to see each other on a more consistent basis.
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Question 5

Question 5 of 6:
How do you make your partner miss you after an argument?

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Don’t chase them. If you reach out and they say they need space, give it to them. Let them know that it’s up to them now to call you back. If you bombard your partner with texts, phone calls, and voicemails, they won’t have time to process their emotions, and they could come back even angrier than they were before.^{[9]
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Question 6

Question 6 of 6:
Do fights bring couples closer?

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Yes, if the fights are constructive. Having an argument with your significant other can help you work through your problems and come up with a solution that benefits the both of you. However, fights that involve yelling, name-calling, or screaming aren’t constructive, and they can actually drive you apart.^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}^{[11]
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- It’s important to find the moral of the argument after it’s over. What did you both learn about your communication styles? How can you prevent this argument from happening again? If you can answer those two questions, your relationship will benefit from it.^{[12]
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- If you tend to have a lot of huge fights with your partner, you may benefit from relationship counseling.
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