What Are Some Signs Your Ex Is Only Pretending to Be over You?

Co-authored by Amy Chan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

One thing’s for certain: breakups are tough. If you regret breaking up with your ex (or if they broke up with you), you might be trying to figure out if they still have feelings. While only doing 1 or 2 of these things might not mean anything, if your ex checks multiple boxes on this list, they might only be pretending to be over you. Once you figure that out, you can decide whether you want to rekindle the relationship or move on for good.

Method 1

Method 1 of 13:
They make eye contact with you a lot.

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If you still work or go to school with your ex, this one’s for you. Your ex might accidentally stare at you or make eye contact a lot, which could be a sign they aren’t over you. It’s even more telling if they immediately look away after you catch them, but then go back to staring again.^{[1]
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- Making a lot of eye contact could be their “subtle” way of trying to get you to talk to them.

Method 2

Method 2 of 13:
They stalk your social media.

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Have you noticed them watching your stories or liking your pics? This could be a sign that they're still looking for a way to connect with you.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.} Checking up on you and seeing what you’re posting might mean your ex is only pretending to be over you.^{[3]
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- They also might block then unblock you just to see if you notice.
- Your ex might not even follow you, but they still watch your stories. This is a sure sign that they’re not over you.

Method 3

Method 3 of 13:
Your ex tries to make you jealous.

1
They might be trying to get a reaction out of you. Your ex could tell mutual friends about their new romance so the info is sure to get back to you, they might post a pic of their new partner and make sure you’re still following them, or they might even tell you in person about their new love interest.^{[4]
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- The best way to deal with an ex like this is to give them no reaction at all. It’s not fair to use someone else to make you jealous, even if it is slightly flattering.

Method 4

Method 4 of 13:
Your ex calls or texts you when they’re drunk.

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People have a hard time hiding their feelings when intoxicated. If you get a flurry of texts or a lot of voicemails at 3 in the morning, your ex probably still misses you. They might not remember it in the morning (but you will!).^{[5]
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- Try not to take anything they say while drunk super seriously. Just because they miss you while they’re drunk doesn’t necessarily mean they want to get back together with you.

Method 5

Method 5 of 13:
They act super happy way too soon.

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If your ex seems to have moved on after 2 days, that’s a red flag. They might be covering up the fact that they’re actually sad by going out or posting tons of pics online. In fact, they’re probably only doing it to make you jealous.^{[6]
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- This is especially true if you’re the one who broke up with them.

Method 6

Method 6 of 13:
Your ex posts a lot about being single.

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You might see them sharing memes about how great single life is. While this could be true, it’s usually a sign that they’re still getting used to not being in a relationship. They might also want you to see just how okay they are with your breakup (even if they’re not okay).^{[7]
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- However, they could also be posting about being single to see if anyone else is interested in them.

Method 7

Method 7 of 13:
Their new partner is jealous of you.

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This could be a sign that your ex still talks about you a lot. If you get a nasty text or DM from their new significant other, there could be some issues in that relationship. It’s up to you whether you’d like to respond or not.^{[8]
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- You might also see this if you go out with your ex in a group of friends. If their new partner is acting cold or distant with you, it’s probably because your ex isn’t over you.

Method 8

Method 8 of 13:
Your ex blocks and unblocks your number.

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Being super cold then super hot may indicate romantic feelings. If your ex is texting and calling you one week and then blocks your number the next week, they could be trying to figure out their feelings for you. This can be really confusing, especially if it happens over a long stretch of time.^{[9]
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- Your ex might also do this in IRL situations. They might be super happy to see you one day, then act cold and distant the next day.

Method 9

Method 9 of 13:
They get jealous about your new romances.

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Jealousy indicates your ex might still have feelings for you. If you post a pic with your new boo on social media and immediately get an angry text from your ex, there’s a good chance they’re not over you.^{[10]
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- If your ex is harassing you about your new date, it might be time to block their number.

Method 10

Method 10 of 13:
They haven’t picked up their stuff yet.

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You probably have some stuff of theirs in your home. If your ex is dragging their feet about coming to get their extra clothes or books, they might be trying to leave the relationship option open. If you still have their stuff, you’ll still have to talk to them, which means they may get a second chance with you.^{[11]
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- This is also true if your ex comes by to get their stuff but “accidentally” leaves a few things behind.

Method 11

Method 11 of 13:
Your ex talks to your friends.

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If you aren’t talking to your ex, they might try to reach out via your friends. They could call or text them and ask how you are and what you’re up to. You can tell your friends how much info you’re comfortable with them disclosing.^{[12]
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- If you don’t want to patch things up with your ex, let your friends know that they shouldn’t say anything about you if they’re asked.

Method 12

Method 12 of 13:
They kept a picture of you on social media.

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They might have deleted all pictures except 1 or 2. This is a sign that they want to keep a little reminder of your relationship around, even if it’s only a couple of pics. It’s their way of keeping the relationship door open, even if they won’t reach out.^{[13]
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- If your ex didn’t delete any pics of you off social media, they may have forgotten to or are just taking a break from the internet for now.

Method 13

Method 13 of 13:
Your ex’s friends call to check up on you.

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Your ex might have asked their friends to see how you’re doing. This is a slightly immature way to go about it, but they’re probably trying to see if you’ve moved on or not. It’s especially common in teen and young adult relationships.^{[14]
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- Your ex’s friends might ask you what you’ve been up to, if you’re dating anyone, and if you still live in the area.

Community Q&A
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Question

Should I cut off contact with my ex?

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to heal after the end of a relationship. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of individuals in just 2 years of operation, and the bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book about her work, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

Amy Chan

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Yes—delete old messages and photos, unfollow their accounts, and block their number if you have to. Every time you make contact, look at old texts, or obsess over their social media activity, you're activating those old neural connections that keeps you attached to your ex.
Question

What should I do when I want to call my ex?

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to heal after the end of a relationship. Her team of psychologists and coaches has helped hundreds of individuals in just 2 years of operation, and the bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book about her work, Breakup Bootcamp, will be published by HarperCollins in January 2020.

Amy Chan

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Ask yourself, "Am I being kind to myself right now?" You know the answer. Replace the urge for connection with another behavior that forces you to be present, like calling a friend, going for a jog, or writing a letter of gratitude to someone you love.