What Are Some Serious Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend about the Future?

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

If you’ve been with your boyfriend for a little while now, you’re probably starting to think about the future. Whether you’re contemplating marriage, living together, or becoming exclusive, there are a few basic questions you can ask to get a read on your relationship.

Here are 11 serious questions you can ask your boyfriend during your next date night.

Method 1

Method 1 of 11:
“How do you think our relationship is going?”

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Get a feel for how happy he is in your relationship. If there’s anything he wants to address, ask him to talk with you right now. If there’s an issue, really try to talk it out before moving on.^{[1]
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Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}^{[2]
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- If you have anything you need to bring up, go ahead and do that now, too.

Method 2

Method 2 of 11:
“Do you want to get married someday?”

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Not everyone sees themselves getting married, and that’s okay. If you and your boyfriend have different opinions on the matter, it might be tough heading into the future. Talk to him and see if he plans to get married one day, even if it’s a long way off.^{[3]
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- People also change their minds over time. Your boyfriend’s answer now (especially if you’re both young) might not be his answer in a few years.

Method 3

Method 3 of 11:
“What are your thoughts about kids?”

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Having kids is a huge decision that most couples make together. If your boyfriend does want to have kids, you can ask how many he’d like or if he’s considered adoption. Try to get on the same page, even if you aren’t 100% sure what you want yet.^{[4]
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- If you’re both young, there’s no reason to rush your decision. However, if you’re dead set on having kids and your boyfriend doesn’t want them at all (or vice versa), you might have problems in the future.

Method 4

Method 4 of 11:
“What are your career goals?”

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See what your boyfriend wants to do for work in the future. If you’re both still in school, he might be working toward his dream job. If he’s in the workforce, he might want to continue climbing the corporate ladder and getting promotions.^{[5]
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- If your boyfriend wants to have kids, he might also want to be a stay at home dad while you take on the career.

Method 5

Method 5 of 11:
“What do you expect our future to look like?”

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This is a general question that your boyfriend can answer in many ways. He might talk about where he sees you living, where he wants to work, or how soon he wants to get married. It’s a great way to let him talk about anything he wants for your future as a couple.^{[6]
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- If he doesn't know how to answer the question, you can get a little more specific with it.

Method 6

Method 6 of 11:
“How are we with each other’s families?”

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Familial relationships are important to a lot of people. If you’ve met each other’s families, ask him how you think you all get along. If there’s some tension, it might be time to work on building those relationships before you move forward.^{[7]
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- Connecting with family members can be tough when they live far away. If your boyfriend’s family is out of state, consider video chatting with them regularly so you can get to know them more.

Method 7

Method 7 of 11:
“Where do you see us in 5 years?”

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See if he’s planned for your future together at all. If his plan lines up with yours (at least most of the way), you’re probably set up for success. If you two have wildly different ideas of what you’ll be doing, it might be time for a more serious talk.^{[8]
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- For example, if you see yourself living abroad and traveling and he sees himself settling down with kids, you may need to talk about it more.

Method 8

Method 8 of 11:
“How compatible are our money styles?”

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Some people are more frugal, while others don’t mind spending. You probably have a good read on this already, but money can really put a burden on relationships. Talk about your spending habits and how they align with his to avoid problems in the future.^{[9]
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- For instance, if you save a certain amount of money every paycheck but he spends all of his, it could lead to frustration. Talk about your future goals and how much money you’d like to put away to achieve those goals.

Method 9

Method 9 of 11:
“How do you feel about our sex life?”

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If you’re already having sex, it’s an important subject. How many times you have sex per week or what kinds of things you do in the bedroom can be a point of contention. If either of you have any issues, now is the time to bring them up.^{[10]
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- If you two aren’t having sex yet, you can talk about your intimate relationship instead. Hugging, kissing, and cuddling are all forms of intimacy that you might need more or less often than your boyfriend.

Method 10

Method 10 of 11:
“Where do you see yourself living?”

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Find out where in the world he wants to go next. Some people are perfectly happy staying in one spot, while others like to roam around. If you two aren’t on the same page about that, it could be a shock in the future.^{[11]
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- Oftentimes, people want to stay near their family members.

Method 11

Method 11 of 11:
“How much debt are you in right now?”

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It might feel uncomfortable, but it's an important thing to know. The amount of debt you two have as a couple can really influence where you work and live in the future. If you’re thinking of taking the next step with your boyfriend, it’s better to talk about it now than find out later on.^{[12]
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- If you’re in debt, you should share that with your boyfriend, too. Being completely open and honest will help him feel less afraid to share his monetary status.

Community Q&A

Question

How do you resolve an issue in a relationship?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Good communication is the best way to resolve your issues. Really talk it out, and try not to move on until you've reached a resolution. Make sure each partner gets to express their feelings in full with the other actively listening.