What Are Some Questions You Can Ask to Become Closer to Your Wife?

Co-authored by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 25, 2021

When life gets busy, it might feel like you’re drifting away from your wife a little bit. Conversations about bills, food, and kids are all fine, but they don’t bring you closer together as a couple. If you feel the romance waning a little bit, you can use some (or all!) of these questions to learn more about your wife and get closer to her. And remember: whether you’ve been married for a few months or a few decades, there are always new things you can learn about your partner.

Method 1

Method 1 of 11:
“What does your perfect day look like?”

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If there were no bills to pay, what would your wife be doing? Ask her to describe what she would do, where she would go, or what adventure she would take if she were living in her own perfect world. Say something like:^{[1]
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- “If you could do anything you wanted for an entire day, what would you do?”
- “If you quit your job right now, where would you like to go?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 11:
“How do you like your job?”

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Learn more about what your wife does on a daily basis. You can ask about her coworkers, her daily duties, and if she likes where she’s at. If your wife doesn’t have a job, ask her about what she’d like to do in the future. Try questions like:^{[2]
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- “Which one of your coworkers do you like the most?”
- “Is there anyone at your job who you don’t get along with?”
- “Do you see yourself working at this job long-term?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 11:
“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

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Learn more about what your wife wants her life to look like. You can ask about her career goals, her family life goals, or even where she’d like to live eventually. It’s a great way to start a conversation about how your life will look together in the future.^{[3]
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- “If money was no object, what profession would you be in right now?”
- “Are you on track to reach your future goals?”

Method 4

Method 4 of 11:
“What’s your fondest childhood memory?”

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You can learn a lot about people via their childhood. Ask about her parents, her siblings, and her close childhood friends growing up. Have her talk about her family home and the neighborhood she lived in to learn more about her. Go for questions like:^{[4]
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- “Were you close with your siblings growing up?”
- “Were your parents strict with you?”
- “Who was your childhood best friend?”
- “Did you like the neighborhood you grew up in?”

Method 5

Method 5 of 11:
“What are you grateful for right now?”

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She might talk about her family, her career, or even you! You can learn more about your wife by figuring out what she values in her daily life. If you value similar things, feel free to share them. Follow up with something like:^{[5]
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- “What do you love about your life right now?”
- “What’s your favorite part of your daily routine?”

Method 6

Method 6 of 11:
“What are 5 things you like about yourself?”

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Learn about what your wife values in herself. Ask her to talk about her personality, how she treats her loved ones, or what she does for a living. Feel free to share some things you like about her, too!^{[6]
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- People often have a hard time sharing positive things about themselves. If that’s the case, you can get the ball rolling by sharing some things you love about your wife.

Method 7

Method 7 of 11:
“Who do you value in your life?”

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Get closer to your wife by learning about the people she loves. You can talk about her close friends, her family members, and who she turns to (besides you) when she’s having a tough time. Ask questions like:^{[7]
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- “Besides me, who is your support system?”
- “Who is your best friend right now?”
- “Who do you talk to when you’re having a bad day?”

Method 8

Method 8 of 11:
“What’s the best date we’ve ever been on?”

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Revisit fun things you did together in your relationship. You can talk about when the two of you first met, a fun vacation you took, or even your wedding day. Feel free to bring up some fond memories of your own, too! Follow up with questions like:^{[8]
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- “What’s the number one thing you remember from our wedding day?”
- “Did you enjoy our last vacation together?”

Method 9

Method 9 of 11:
“What was your first impression of me?”

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Talk about how you felt when you two first met. You can talk about your very first date, how you met each other, and when you knew that she was the one. Have her share some things about you, too! Try questions like:^{[9]
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- “Do you remember where we went on our first date?”
- “When did you start falling in love with me?”

Method 10

Method 10 of 11:
“What’s my best physical feature?”

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Ask your wife a few questions that might make her blush. You can grow closer together by asking about your sex life and your intimate relationship so far. You don’t have to get too down and dirty if you don’t want to; start with questions like:^{[10]
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- “How important is sex in our relationship?”
- “Do you have any fantasies you want to share with me?”

Method 11

Method 11 of 11:
“Would you like to be famous one day?”

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Propose a few goofy (or serious) hypothetical situations. Seeing how your wife responds will teach you more about what she values in life and what her future goals might be. Try asking questions like:^{[11]
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- “Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you invite as a dinner guest?”
- “If you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you would buy?”
- “Would you like to be famous?”