X
This article was co-authored by Lauren Urban, LCSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.
There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 8,714 times.
Nothing’s worse than that pit in your stomach when you’re caught in the crosshairs of a conflict, especially when you’re at work. How are you supposed to make things better without completely caving in to the other party? There’s no need to worry. We’ve put together plenty of easy, practical tips and suggestions to give you a great shot at making things right.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 14:Approach the conflict with an open mind.
Method 1
-
1It can be tough to resolve a conflict when everyone assumes that they’re right. If you tend to get tunnel vision in the heat of an argument, you’re not alone. It’s really hard to empathize with someone else during a conflict! Still, try to stay open-minded, so your conversation can be as productive as possible.[1]
- For example, you could give your co-worker a chance to explain a hurtful comment they made instead of assuming the worst.
- Hiring a mediator can be a great way to deal with really tough conflicts. They can approach the conversation from a neutral point of view, and help both sides understand one another.
Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 14:Clarify what the exact problem is.
Method 2
-
1You don’t want to head into a conversation unprepared. It’s really easy to let your emotions take control during a conflict, but this isn’t the best policy. Instead, give yourself some time to figure out what’s actually bothering you. Try to separate your wants from your needs, so your future conversations can be as productive as possible.[2] Here are a few examples:
- You want Julia to submit her overdue assignment, but you need her to get it to you by Friday so you can go over it during the weekend.
- You want Todd to apologize for what he said about you, but you need him to stop gossiping so much in the workplace.
Method 3
Method 3 of 14:Set up a 1-on-1 meeting.
Method 3
-
1Public debates and arguments won’t get you anywhere. As tempting as it might be to dish it out in the open, invite the other party to meet in a quiet, private place. This way, you both can air out your thoughts and feelings without anyone else jumping in on the conversation.[3] You might say:
- “I know we haven’t seen eye-to-eye lately. Would you be okay with meeting in the conference room so we can talk things out?”
- “I don’t feel great about how our last conversation went. Do you think we could discuss things in private so we can reach a resolution?”
- Pick a calm, neutral place where you both can talk comfortably and openly, like an office conference room.[4]
Advertisement
Method 4
Method 4 of 14:Display positive body language while talking things out.
Method 4
-
1Tense body language can make a tough conversation even harder to get through. Try to keep your tone cool and collected, and make an effort to look interested in what the other person has to say. A gentle touch and a thoughtful, engaged reaction can really help guide a conversation in a less tense direction, too.[5]
- Try keeping your body language neutral if you’re having trouble staying calm. For example, you might avoid gritting your teeth and turning away when the other person starts to talk.
Method 5
Method 5 of 14:Listen attentively to the other party.
Method 5
-
1Let the other person share their perspective without interrupting. Show that you’re listening by repeating key points that the other person makes.[6] Feel to ask any follow-up questions to ensure that you and the other party are both on the same page.[7] You might say:
- “I hear what you’re saying, but I just want to make sure I understand. You’re upset about my presentation at last week’s meeting because you felt blindsided by the announcement I made.”
- “Let me confirm that I know where you’re coming from. You’re angry about my Facebook post because you felt that I was calling you out.”
- “Are you upset that I was late, or that I didn’t text you beforehand?”
Advertisement
Method 6
Method 6 of 14:Use “I” statements.
Method 6
-
1“You” statements tend to make people feel defensive and upset. Instead of focusing on the other party’s actions, hone in on how the other party’s actions made you feel by starting your sentences with the word “I”. I-statements take a lot of blame and pressure off the other person, and help you both manage your conflict in a healthy, respectful way.[8] Here are a few examples:
- “I felt hurt when you took credit for my work during the team meeting.”
- “I feel like my time isn’t as valuable as yours when you show up late.”
- “I feel stressed and upset when you talk to me in that tone of voice.”
Method 7
Method 7 of 14:Talk about the present instead of the past.
Method 7
-
1Discussing the past won’t help you resolve whatever’s happening now. Maybe you messed up a project in the past, or the other person said something rude to you a few months ago. Focusing on past issues and arguments won’t make things any better. Instead, concentrate on the current issue and see what you both can do to make things better. You might say:[9]
- “I know we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye in the past, but I’d really like us to focus on what happened last Thursday.”
- “Full disclosure: I know things were a little rocky between us in the past, but I’d really like to resolve the problem at hand.”
Advertisement
Method 8
Method 8 of 14:Sprinkle in some humor if the situation calls for it.
Method 8
-
1Humor isn’t the answer for everything, but it may help you deal with less serious conflicts. Cracking a joke can work when you know the other party well. A self-deprecating joke is a great way to play it safe, while an inside joke helps appeal to your relationship. Ultimately, read the room before playing the humor card—don’t bother with the jokes if the situation is really serious.[10] Here’s a few ways you might inject a little humor into your conversation.
- “I know I messed up the numbers for the party budget, but you know what they say. There are 3 types of people out there: those who can’t count, and those who can.”
- “I’m really sorry for grabbing your lunch by mistake. On the bright side, at least you got to enjoy an extremely mediocre peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”
Method 9
Method 9 of 14:Apologize for your role in the situation.
Method 9
-
1Conflict resolution is pointless if you aren’t willing to make amends. Offer a genuine apology for any hurt or confusion caused by the conflict, and forgive the other party when they do the same.[11] Start by acknowledging your role in the situation, and giving an explanation for what happened.[12] Then, explain how sorry you are, and make an effort to improve things in the future. You might say:[13]
- "I’m really sorry for going over your head in that email chain. I feel terrible about how things played out, and I didn’t mean for you to feel ignored or left out. In the future, I’ll be sure to CC you on emails like that.”
- "I’m so sorry for making that hurtful joke the other day. There’s no excuse for what I said, and I feel awful for making you feel uncomfortable. I’ll definitely tone down my jokes in the future.”
Advertisement
Method 10
Method 10 of 14:Avoid the conflict if it’s really minor.
Method 10
-
1Avoidance usually isn’t a great strategy, but it can work on occasion. Maybe you notice a co-worker using their phone a little too much at work, or catch a fellow student taking a nap during class. While you can definitely address these problems, you’re better off ignoring them and letting them disappear on their own.[14] Avoidable conflicts could look like:
- For example, a co-worker might spend 5 extra minutes on their break than what’s allowed by the company. You could bring this up to a manager, but it’s probably easier to just let it go.
- Avoidance is one of the 5 conflict resolution strategies, also known as the Thomas-Kilmann model. Accommodation, compromise, collaboration, and competition are the other 4 strategies.[15]
Method 11
Method 11 of 14:Accomodate the other party in smaller conflicts.
Method 11
-
1Sometimes, it’s just easier to go with the flow. Think about the core of the conflict, and decide if it’s really something that matters to you. If you really don’t care one way or the other, take a step back and let the other party have their way.[16] For example, you might:
- Give up your usual parking space to another employee
- Offer to switch seats with someone
- Switch shifts with a co-worker
Advertisement
Method 12
Method 12 of 14:Offer a compromise for less important issues.
Method 12
-
1Compromises can resolve conflicts in a pinch. Offer to meet the other party in the middle without completely giving up your ground. While compromises aren’t a great option for serious, large-scale issues, they’re a quick and easy way to manage smaller conflicts.[17] You might:
- Offer to cover your employee’s shift for Thanksgiving if he covers yours for Christmas
- Set the thermostat to a moderate temperature if you or an employee like the workspace especially hot or cold.
Method 13
Method 13 of 14:Work together to find a solution.
Method 13
-
1Collaboration is the best way to solve big, long-term problems. Instead of meeting in the middle, collaboration lets you and the other party come up with option C instead of finding a middle point between points A and B. Write down each other’s worries and concerns, and brainstorm a solution that factors in everyone’s worries and desires.[18] A collaborative solution could look like:
- Creating sign-up slots for the conference room so people aren’t fighting about who can use it and when
- Giving employees an extra half hour of daily break time during an especially stressful week
Advertisement
Method 14
Method 14 of 14:Compete against the other party if the conflict isn’t internal.
Method 14
-
1Competition is a great way to resolve a conflict with someone you don’t know. Competing with friends and co-workers is never a good idea, and will only lead to hurt in the long run. Competition is fine, however, when you’re competing against another company, institution, or another party you don’t know well.[19]
- Competing against a rival company to scout an employee is a healthy example of competition-style conflict resolution.
References
- ↑ https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/conflict-resolution/conflict-resolution-strategies/
- ↑ https://hr.utexas.edu/current/services/problem-solving#focus
- ↑ https://blink.ucsd.edu/HR/supervising/conflict/handle.html#1.-Talk-with-the-other-person.
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/active_listening
- ↑ https://adm.viu.ca/workplace-conflict/communicating-in-conflict
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/managing-conflicts-with-humor.htm
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-17980-002
- ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/making_an_effective_apology
- ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style
- ↑ https://managementweekly.org/thomas-kilmann-conflict-resolution-model/
- ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style
- ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style
- ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style
- ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/news-and-events/walden-news/2017/0530-whats-your-conflict-management-style
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
About This Article
Licensed Psychotherapist
This article was co-authored by Lauren Urban, LCSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Janice Tieperman. Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use. This article has been viewed 8,714 times.
Co-authors: 8
Updated: December 22, 2021
Views: 8,714
Categories: Conflict Resolution
Advertisement
