How to Text a Girl for the First Time

Co-authored by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: October 19, 2021 References

Whether you met a girl online, on a dating app, or in person, sending her a text is taking things to the next level. Starting out on the right foot can make or break your relationship, so it’s important to really think about what you send before you send it. Keep reading to learn what to say in your first message and how you can keep a fun, lively conversation going with the girl you like.

Method 1

Method 1 of 9:
Reintroduce yourself.

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Remind her who you are so she can save your number. If you met on a dating app or in person, just send her a quick text with your name included. Keep it short and sweet, and don’t send anything too long in your first message. Try something like:^{[1]
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Research source}
- “Hey it’s James from Tinder!”
- “Hey! It’s Marissa from the party last night.”
- “How’s it going? This is Sam, we met the other day.”
- “What’s up? It’s Candice, Jamie’s friend.”
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Method 2

Method 2 of 9:
Revisit your previous conversation.

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You probably talked to her a little bit when you got her number. Whether you chatted online or in person, you can continue your conversation wherever you left off. It’s an easy way to keep a conversation going, and you already know she likes talking about the subject! Say something like:^{[2]
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- “So, we never finished our debate last night: are hot dogs a sandwich?”
- “I had to leave so early last night that I never heard your answer—did you grow up around here?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 9:
Keep your messages short.

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Long-winded text messages can be overwhelming. As you two chat, keep your messages down to one or two lines at most. Don’t send paragraphs, and try not to text her more than once in a row without a reply. You want to keep her attention, but you also don’t want to make her read a novel when she opens her phone.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}

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Method 4

Method 4 of 9:
Ask her questions about herself.

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Keep a conversation going with open-ended questions. These are ones that she can’t just answer with “yes” or “no.” As she answers, you can also give your own answers so you’re both sharing a little bit about yourselves. Try questions like:^{[4]
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- “Where’d you grow up?”
- “How many siblings do you have?”
- “What do you like to do for fun?”

Method 5

Method 5 of 9:
Give her a compliment.

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Try to compliment something other than her appearance. You might tell her that she’s fun to talk to, that you love getting to know her, or that she seems really cool. Most girls are flattered by compliments, and she might even give you one in return! Say something like:^{[5]
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- “You seem like such a cool person. I’m really glad I’m getting the chance to get to know you.”
- “I had such a fun time talking to you at that party the other day.”
- “I have such an easy time talking to you.”
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Method 6

Method 6 of 9:
Talk about your common interests.

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Maybe you two watch the same show or do the same hobby. Whatever it is, you can ask her about it to keep a fun conversation going.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Plus, you’ll get to know a little bit about her in the process! If you aren’t sure what you guys have in common yet, try looking her up on social media to get an idea of what she likes to do. Say something like:^{[7]
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Research source}
- “Have you been watching the new season of Riverdale? I’m almost caught up!”
- “How long have you been surfing? I’ve been going since I was a little kid!”
- “Whoa, you like to rollerblade too? I can never find anyone to go skating with me.”

Method 7

Method 7 of 9:
Ask for a recommendation.

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It’s an easy way to show you value her opinion. If she’s lived in the area longer than you have, maybe you can ask her for a nice restaurant nearby. Or, if she loves to read, you could ask her if she has any book recommendations for you. Say something like:^{[8]
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Research source}
- “Where’s your favorite place to eat downtown?”
- “Have you read any good books lately?”
- “What’s your favorite coffee shop in this area?”
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Method 8

Method 8 of 9:
Share things about yourself.

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That way, you can both get to know each other. As you two text back and forth, open up to her and answer any questions she has. She’ll probably feel more comfortable about meeting up with you, too, if that’s your end goal.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- An easy way to share things is to talk about yourself, then ask her a similar question.
- For instance, you might say, “I grew up in Houston, but I moved to Austin when I was 18. Where’d you grow up?”
- Or, “I’m not a huge fan of baseball, but I love basketball. Do you watch any sports?”

Method 9

Method 9 of 9:
Set up a date to meet her IRL.

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If you like her, make your intentions known. Texting is fine, but hanging out IRL is the best way to get to know a girl. Ask her if she has time in her schedule to grab dinner or go get coffee.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.} Don’t wait too long to ask her out, or she might think you aren’t interested. Say something like:^{[11]
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Research source}
- “Hey, do you have any free time next week? I’d love to grab a coffee.”
- “Do you have any plans tomorrow? Want to grab dinner?”
- “I really enjoy talking to you. Would you ever want to continue this conversation in person?”
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Community Q&A

Question

How do you save a dry conversation?

Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
Suzanna Mathews is a Dating and Relationship Coach and the Founder of The Date Maven. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in creating mindset tools, social strategies, and digital strategies that help her clients elevate dating and deepen connections. Suzanna holds a BA in Communications from Bethel College, North Newton, and an MA in Theater and Dramatic Arts from Wichita State University.

Suzanna Mathews

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Throw something random out! All you have to do is say is "hey, quick question" or "hey, random thought." This gives you permission to bring up just about anything.
Question

What kind of questions should I ask to get a conversation going?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

I'm not fond of the questions approach if it's the first time you two have talked. It's just a little cliché and boring. I actually prefer statements. Say something about yourself or say something about them to provoke a question on their end. You want to be the pond, not the fishing pole here! That's how you cultivate some mystery and generate conversation.