Ready to Take the Next Step? How to Tell Someone You Love Them for the First Time

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Madeleine Criglow

Last Updated: July 6, 2021 References

Saying "I love you" is a huge step in a relationship. It's exciting to tell the person you love how you feel about them, but it can also be a bit scary to put yourself out there like that. If you're ready to confess your love but aren't quite sure how to do it, this article is here to help walk you through the process.

Method 1

Method 1 of 8:
Wait until you're ready.

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This moment is different for everybody. It's best to wait until you really understand your feelings. Spend time with them often so that you get to know them better and form a deeper bond, check how often you think about them, and be aware of how you feel when you're apart. Let your feelings deepen over time.^{[1]
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- It's also a good idea to wait until you think they may love you back.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Pay attention to clear signs, like always laughing with you about inside jokes or opening up to you about their feelings.^{[3]
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- If you want to get a feel for whether you're on the same page, have a conversation where you make it clear that you only want to date them exclusively, if you haven't already.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
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Method 2

Method 2 of 8:
Say it spontaneously if the timing feels right.

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Wait until you're alone so the moment feels private and special. If you feel moved to confess your feelings in the moment and you've thought it through beforehand, go for it. Just make sure you're alone so the moment will feel special and there won't be any distractions.^{[5]
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- Say something like, "I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I love you."

Method 3

Method 3 of 8:
Plan a special date.

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Share how you feel over dinner or during a romantic outing. Just pick a place where you have some privacy so the moment feels special. Plan a date that will make your partner feel comfortable and relaxed.^{[6]
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- If your partner likes low-key activities, skip the five-course meal in favor of burgers and milkshakes. Alternatively, prepare a picnic and tell them how you feel while eating lunch at the park.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 8:
Call or video chat if they live out of town.

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If you're separated by distance, you can still tell them how you feel. Text them asking if they would be available to talk on the phone. It's best to pick a time to talk so that your partner won't be busy when you call to share how you feel.
- Text them something like, "I miss hearing your voice. Would you be free to talk on the phone this evening?"
- Set up a video chat date, like eating dinner together in your respective homes. Then, say something like, "I'm so happy I get to see your face even if we can't be together right now. I love you."^{[7]
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- You can also tell them how you feel over voicemail for a romantic (and unexpected) gesture.

Method 5

Method 5 of 8:
Write them a love letter.

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Make it romantic, personal, and unique to suit your partner. A love letter is a great opportunity to plan your words and tell your partner what you really love about them. Think of a few key specifics and then write them out.^{[8]
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- Let's say your partner consistently calls you on their 15-minute break to say hi or always makes you laugh when you watch movies together. Those are the things to include in the letter.
- Write something like, "I get so happy every time I hear your voice over the phone. I love you so much."
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Method 6

Method 6 of 8:
Give them a gift with a handwritten note.

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This is a thoughtful way to tell your partner how you feel. Your gift doesn't even have to be expensive or grand. Get a hardcover copy of their favorite book and write an inscription inside that tells them how you feel. Buy a bouquet of flowers and attach a card that says "I love you." Tailor your gift to your partner's unique interests to make them feel especially cared for and loved.
- If your partner lives out of town, surprise them with the gift and message in the mail.

Method 7

Method 7 of 8:
Say it without expecting an answer.

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Don't say "I love you" just to hear your partner's response. Part of saying "I love you" is feeling vulnerable and expressing your feelings genuinely. If you tell them and they don't respond immediately by saying "I love you, too," that doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. Be patient and give them some time.^{[9]
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- Different people go through relationships at different paces. It's possible they're just not ready yet.
- Regardless of how they respond, remember that it's never a mistake to share that you care about someone.^{[10]
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Method 8

Method 8 of 8:
Keep in mind when not to say it.

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Avoid saying "I love you" during or after sex. This can make it difficult for your partner to know if you really meant it. Avoid saying it when you're drunk as well. The moment won't be as special if you or your partner aren't in a clear headspace, and they may wonder if you feel the same way when you're sober.^{[11]
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- Don't say "I love you" for the first time right after a fight. Sharing these feelings marks an important moment in your relationship. It's best not to use it as a means to make up or stop your partner from being upset.