How to Stop Being Insecure About Your Girlfriend

Last Updated: December 29, 2021 References

No matter how much you love your girlfriend, insecurity can drive a wedge between you if left unchecked. If you’re feeling insecure about your relationship, whether it’s jealousy, unhealthy comparisons, or trust issues, there are steps you can take to turn those feelings around. When you address your fears, you can move on from the insecurities holding you (and your relationship) back. The tips below will show you the best ways to stop being insecure about your girlfriend and start truly enjoying your relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 11:
Figure out the cause of your insecurity.

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The first step to addressing insecurity is knowing where it comes from. Think about the events and conversations in your relationship that have caused you to feel insecure about your girlfriend. Why did you feel that way? Did she say or do something that made you feel insecure? Or has your insecurity been present since before meeting her? Once you know why you’re feeling insecure you can address the problem.^{[1]
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- There are many common insecurities. For example, a past relationship may have strained your ability to trust your partner. You might get jealous whenever your girlfriend mentions exes, or you might compare yourself to those exes.
- Be honest with yourself and understand that even though it can feel like your girlfriend is doing something to cause your insecurities, your fears may instead be causing you to misinterpret perfectly normal things.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 11:
Recognize your best qualities.

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Identify the traits that make you a valuable partner to your girlfriend. Sometimes relationship insecurities can result from one partner feeling like they’re not good enough for the other. To get over those feelings, make a list of all the qualities that make you great. Use this list to focus on the positive reasons your girlfriend is with you, rather than what you find lacking in yourself.^{[2]
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- Are you kind? Funny? Trustworthy? Do you make her feel loved? Any of those qualities are great to have in a relationship and ones that your girlfriend probably values a lot!
- Keep this list to remind yourself that you have a lot to offer your girlfriend. And, if she or someone else intentionally makes you feel like you’re not enough, it’s their loss—not yours.

Method 3

Method 3 of 11:
Build your self-esteem.

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Practice self-care and compassion to build up your self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a common reason for insecurities in a relationship. If you have confidence in yourself, you won’t have to rely on your girlfriend for that validation. Start simple and boost your self-esteem by eating well, wearing clothes that make you feel good, paying attention to your hygiene, and getting enough sleep.^{[3]
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- Once you get into comfortable patterns, start thinking of other activities that will make you feel better about yourself. Indulge your aspirations, whether you’ve wanted to try a new artistic hobby or get back into shape.
- Set realistic goals for yourself. Being unrealistic will only lead to disappointment and lower self-esteem. Take things one step at a time, and reward yourself when you meet your goals.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 11:
Communicate with your girlfriend.

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The key to a healthy and long-lived relationship is communication. When you identify your insecurities, it’s important to tell your girlfriend about them. You can’t expect her to fix insecurities for you, but you can help her understand what you’re going through. Keep the lines of communication between you open and honest, as confiding your fears can also strengthen the bond you have with her.^{[4]
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- If your girlfriend’s actions have somehow caused you to feel insecure, you can still be honest with her about your feelings.
- Use “I” statements to focus on how you feel and not on blaming her. For example, “You’re inconsiderate, and you don’t make any time for me!” could be rephrased to become, “I feel lonely when you don’t call or text me.”
- You can also communicate to prevent future conflicts. For example: “I’ve been feeling a little insecure when you spend time with friends and don’t invite me, but I’m working on controlling my jealousy. I don’t want it to come between us.”

Method 5

Method 5 of 11:
Tell your girlfriend what you want.

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Setting up boundaries can help you feel more secure. Talk to your girlfriend and explain your expectations and limits for the relationship. You and your girlfriend may not agree on everything, but it’s important to know where you agree, where you can compromise, and what both of you consider to be absolute dealbreakers.^{[5]
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- Make sure your requests are reasonable. Telling your girlfriend that you don’t want her to spend time with her friends isn’t a healthy demand, but you can tell her that you feel excluded and work with her to reach a compromise.
- Jealousy can be tricky to work through. If your girlfriend spends time with her ex, for example, demanding that she stop will only make her defensive.
- Instead, tell her that her hanging out with an ex makes you uncomfortable, and be honest so that she can understand how you will react if she decides to keep spending time with him.
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Method 6

Method 6 of 11:
Limit the amount of time you spend on social media.

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Too much social media negatively affects your mood and self-image. Social media is a fun way to stay connected to the world around you. However, it can also make you feel isolated, anxious, and inadequate. Seeing only the highlights of other peoples’ lives will make you insecure about the quality of your own life. You don’t have to stop using social media! Settle for controlling the amount of time you spend on it.^{[6]
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- For instance, pay attention to how you feel as you scroll through your accounts. If you start making comparisons, feeling depressed, or getting jealous, then make a point to log off for the day.
- If certain social media accounts will only make you feel insecure (like an ex’s social media), unfollow or block the account as needed.

Method 7

Method 7 of 11:
Learn to trust yourself and your girlfriend.

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Trust is an essential part of every healthy relationship. Practice trust by following through on your promises, being accountable for your actions, and being emotionally available for your girlfriend. At the same time, build up trust in your girlfriend by checking to see that she’s doing the same.^{[7]
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Research source} If your girlfriend has proven herself to be trustworthy, then you’ll know your insecurities are wrong after all.
- Remember that trusting your girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to trust blindly. If your instincts say something is wrong, examine her words and actions. Her behavior towards you will tell you whether or not she’s trustworthy.
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Method 8

Method 8 of 11:
Take a step back when you overthink.

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Overthinking is a common side-effect of being insecure. An insecure partner may get anxious thinking over every word their girlfriend says, wondering whether something is wrong or they’re missing a hidden meaning. In reality, it’s much healthier to take what your girlfriend says at face value and stop yourself from over-analyzing her thoughts and feelings.
- When you catch yourself worrying about what your girlfriend is thinking about, press pause. Take a step back, disengage with those thoughts, and trust that she’ll tell you if something is wrong.^{[8]
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- Instead of worrying, learn to enjoy the time you spend with her. If she’s quiet or doesn’t want to go out, it’s not automatically a sign that you’ve done something wrong. Just be present with her, and let her come to you if she needs to talk.

Method 9

Method 9 of 11:
Let go of the past.

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Past relationships that ended badly can add to your insecurities. Maybe your ex criticized you all the time or was unfaithful. Talk about your past to a trusted friend, family member, or even your girlfriend; once you’ve let out your feelings, it’s easier to let them go and prevent them from complicating your current relationship.
- Remember that your current girlfriend isn’t the same person as the one who hurt you, and you don’t need to let an ex interfere with your bright future together.^{[9]
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Method 10

Method 10 of 11:
Give yourself and your girlfriend space.

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You both need enough space to be independent people. Manage your well-being by taking time for yourself when you need it and allowing her to do the same. It's possible to commit to your girlfriend and still be your own person. You’ll feel more secure when you aren’t relying on the relationship to fulfill all of your needs!^{[10]
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- To maintain some independence, spend time with friends and family. Keep those relationships strong, no matter how close you become with your girlfriend.
- Make time for the solo hobbies that you enjoy—and understand that your girlfriend will also have activities she wants to do by herself.

Method 11

Method 11 of 11:
Talk to a therapist.

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There’s no shame in seeking help to overcome your insecurities. While friends, family, and your girlfriend may all be good confidantes, therapists have the training to fully understand your problems and recommend solutions or strategies to deal with them. Find a therapist you feel comfortable trusting and opening up to, and one that has the training to meet your needs.^{[11]
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- Joint therapy has also proven to help couples communicate with one another. Ask your girlfriend if she would be open to seeing a therapist with you.
- Getting couple’s therapy doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is in bad shape; it just means that there are aspects of the relationship you feel could be better, and you’re willing to put in the work.
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