How to Stand Up to Your Best Friend

Last Updated: July 4, 2021

It's hard when your best friend is always putting you down in front of others and knocking your self confidence. Everyone tells you to dump them for a new best friend but you don't want to do that as you will be alone, or you're afraid that your other friends will go with them.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:
Considering Your Options

1
Think it through carefully before you decide to confront your friend. They may be upset or going through a hard time and might be needing you more than ever.
2
Consider your own actions around your best friend. See if you have given her/him any reason to put you down. You might be unconsciously doing the same. Equally, recognize when you're in an unequal relationship, where your best friend is calling all of the shots and not leaving you with many choices.

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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:
Standing up to Them

1
Talk to your friend. Take them to a quiet place on your own so that you can speak clearly without interruption. Tell your friend that you're very concerned about things as they currently stand.
- Confronting your best friend may be easiest to do on text or any other messaging software. Sometimes personal confrontation is awkward and difficult. Make sure that person is alone, not surrounded by people. The best time for this is early evening, because they will be wide awake but there is less of a chance that they are with someone.
2
Stand up to your best friend. This may seem mean, but this method has a very strong effect. List all of the major problems that you have had with them. Do not call them names, or be rude; rather, just say what is bothering you. Do not be afraid to hold back.
- Tell them how much what she has been doing or saying to you has offended and hurt you. Be aware that they may not know that what they are saying is hurting you, and also that you could be oversensitive. If so, you need to explain that to your friend.
3
When they reply, they will either be aggressive with you or peaceful.
- If they respond aggressively, and say that they didn't do anything or blame you for something, then be factual in return, without being upset or mean. List examples of times they have been particularly bad, and ask them for times you have been mean. You never know, you could be just as bad as they are! If they are peaceful, and apologize or say that nothing is wrong, carefully look over what they say.
- If they apologize, maybe they realized what they did was wrong and want to change. As tempting as it is to keep fighting, it is very important that you accept the apology. If the problems continue, next time do not be as forgiving. If they say nothing is wrong, calmly state what you are having trouble with, and see what they say.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:
Moving Forward

1
Decide what is the best way to end the fight or disagreement. Either apologize to them as they apologize to you, or say that you are still angry at them and end the conversation. Sometimes time will mend the fight. Other times you won't be friends anymore. You never know, maybe ending the friendship is for the best. As long as both of you have separate friends to hang out with instead, the loss won't be overwhelming. Just remember during this step, they are your best friend, and is what they did really worth ending your friendship?
2
Try to forgive your best friend. Only leave your best friend as a last resort if the problem can't be solved. Remember that this is the one person in the world you will tell everything to and she will tell you everything. This is bound to bring up some friction as they may be worried that you will spread their secrets. Remind yourself that the two of you are best friends and of all the times this person forgave you and all the times they helped you.
3
If she/he doesn't listen to you, get your other friends to either talk to her/him about it, or hang about with them instead of your best friend until she/he gets the message.
4
If all else fails, you can either try to sort it out until they agree to stop or walk away. Think very carefully about this, as you might not be able to go back. It will hurt, but it might hurt more in the long term.

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Community Q&A

Question

What do I do if my friend doesn't think she's wrong and says I am overreacting?

Community Answer

Explain what's going on to someone you trust and ask them what they think. You may find that you actually are overreacting, or you may at least get some advice about a different way to approach the situation.
Question

My best friend often wants her own way and always thinks she is right. What should I do?

Community Answer

Tell her how this makes you feel, in the moment, right after she has done something to upset you. If she is a real friend, she will listen to what you said and try to not offend you again.
Question

How do I stick up for someone?

Community Answer

You make the other person who's being rude feel like a complete loser for not being friends with the person they're picking on. Make them feel like they are missing out on an awesome person.
Question

What if she goes back to being nice, then starts being really mean again?

Community Answer

If she continually does this, you might need to start looking for a new friend. I was in a similar position once, my best friend was being nice one minute, and the next she was mean. I just slowly distanced myself from her and made new friends who make me so much happier than I was before. Trust me, people like that will drag you down.
Question

What if she talks about me and me friends in a bad way?

Community Answer

Tell her to stop. If she talks like that about you- or anyone, for that matter, she isn't worth your time.
Question

What do I do if my friend always criticizes me?

Community Answer

Take a look from another perspective. Are they really your friend? Do they have something going on that's causing them to lash out? Try asking her why she's doing this or pointing out her rudeness directly. There may be something there that you didn't know about. If it gets to be too much, then try separating yourself from her negativity and surrounding yourself with more upbeat people.
Question

What if someone is being mean to my friend?

Community Answer

Report it to a parent or a trusted adult.
Question

My best friend bosses me around all the time and is trying to make me look weak and mean in front of my other friends. She is ignoring me a lot too. What should I do?

Community Answer

Call her out on her behavior. Tell her you've noticed what she's doing, and you don't appreciate it. Make it clear that things will have to change if she wants to continue being your friend. If she continues to treat you badly, cut her loose.
Question

My best friend doesn't put me down, yet she makes me feel like her slave. How do I stand up to her?

Community Answer

Take back your power! Don't let her boss you around... say no (politely) if you don't want to do something.
Question

My friend talks behind my back and my friends' backs. What should I do?

Community Answer

Confront them. Tell them that it's not okay and they need to stop. If they are talking about you and your other loved ones, they might not be worth your time. Tell that if they continue this, that your friendship might not work out.

Warnings

Think carefully before you follow these points - they are not foolproof and may not work. It all depends on who you and your best friend are as people.

Thanks!
Helpful 12 Not Helpful 3
Only follow these points as a last resort. Remember, friendships survive on being kind and arguments - even the best of friends argue and fall out, it's all part of the friendship.

Thanks!
Helpful 13 Not Helpful 4
Most of all, remember if you are best friends with them, you will know more about them than anyone else, so they may treat you badly as they know that you won't walk away.

Thanks!
Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0