13 Effective Ways to Relax and de-Stress When Trying to Conceive

Co-authored by Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)

Last Updated: October 15, 2021 References

Trying to get pregnant can be really exciting, but it can also be extremely stressful if it doesn’t happen right away. It’s important to know that it’s normal for it to take time to conceive and it’s also typical to feel tense. This can be even more difficult if you're dealing with fertility issues. If that's the case, you might think about getting a second opinion. There are lots of different methods and opinions on fertility options. Whatever you are going through, it's totally understandable that you want to be able to relax a bit. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're going through a lot, physically and emotionally.

Method 1

Method 1 of 13:
Make time to pamper yourself.

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Start scheduling some "you time" while you are trying to conceive. This could be a weekly or even daily appointment that you make with yourself. Choose an activity that you really enjoy and feels like a special treat.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)
Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator
Expert Interview. 8 September 2020.} You're going through a tough time and you definitely deserve to indulge yourself. Some ideas are:^{[2]
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- A manicure
- A fun face mask at home
- A scented bath
- Going out for coffee with a friend
- Going to a movie or watching one at home
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Method 2

Method 2 of 13:
Make a list of self-care activities to do when you're feeling low.

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Keep a list of ways to relax on hand so that you can choose something easily. Make sure that your list includes a bunch of different activities so you can choose what feels right at that time. Try listing things like:^{[3]
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- Taking a walk
- Cuddling a pet
- Cleaning out a drawer to clear your mind
- Listening to music
- Journaling
- Painting

Method 3

Method 3 of 13:
Find ways to practice gratitude.

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Focus on the positives in your life, even when that feels tough. It’s understandable if your fertility journey has become the primary focus of your life. But if it’s causing you anxiety, take some time each day to think about all of the other things that you have going on. Be mindful of the positive things in your life. You can write them down, say them out loud, or just think about them.^{[4]
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- Try doing something like writing down 5 things each day that you are grateful for. You could do this in the morning or in the evening, whichever works best for you.
- If you find yourself stressing out, take a deep breath and think about something you enjoy. You could say something like, “Okay, this is hard right now, but I am looking forward to going to yoga later tonight.”
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Method 4

Method 4 of 13:
Create structure to feel grounded.

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Stick to a simple daily routine to stay balanced. When you’re having a hard time relaxing, it can be hard to sit still. It might even be hard to get going at all. It’s normal to experience both of those things. Experts recommend finding a simple routine that you can stick to each day that will help you feel grounded, productive, and in control.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)
Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator
Expert Interview. 8 September 2020.} Include what feels good to you in that routine and try sticking to it. ^{[6]
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- For example, you might make it a point to start every morning with a cup of tea followed by a short yoga routine. Starting your day with a calming ritual might make you feel more relaxed.
- You could also create a short routine for whenever you need a break during the day. This could include taking a short walk, taking time to play with a pet, or making a quick phone call to chat with a friend.

Method 5

Method 5 of 13:
Get moving.

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Make time to exercise for your mental and physical health. Getting your heart pumping is one of the best ways to feel more relaxed. So make some time for your favorite workout and get those endorphins going!^{[7]
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Expert Source

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)
Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator
Expert Interview. 8 September 2020.} Even though you might not feel like adding one more thing to your plate, research shows that getting physical exercise most days of the week can help you feel more relaxed when you’re trying to conceive. Bonus: it also boosts your sex drive.^{[8]
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- Schedule your workouts the same way you would schedule any other appointment. Put them on your calendar and prioritize them.
- If you’re feeling low energy, try going for a leisurely walk or doing a slow flow yoga class.
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Method 6

Method 6 of 13:
Know that whatever you are feeling is okay.

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Acknowledge that your feelings are valid. This whole journey is tough. When you are trying to conceive, you’re probably on a little bit of an emotional roller coaster. It’s normal to feel excited, scared, happy, and stressed all at the same time. It’s important that you allow yourself time to process all of your emotions. Pushing them aside can make it harder to deal with any of the tough ones, like stress or anxiety.^{[9]
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- Accept that it is okay to feel stressed out. Try saying to yourself, “I’m super stressed, and that is normal. It's okay.”
- You can even try keeping a little note to yourself in your wallet or on your mirror. Write something affirming like, “I’m allowed to feel anxious. I am dealing with it.”

Method 7

Method 7 of 13:
Push away thoughts of self-blame.

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Remind yourself that this struggle isn't your fault. It takes a lot (if not most) people time to get pregnant. Unless your doctor has brought up specific medical concerns, assume that everything is fine. Try not to add to your stress by beating yourself up.^{[10]
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- Try some positive affirmations like, “I am strong and healthy.”
- Don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor if you have some specific concerns or questions.
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Method 8

Method 8 of 13:
Communicate with your partner about intimacy.

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Talk to your partner about how conception is affecting your sex life. Sometimes sex can start to feel stressful or even like a chore when you’re trying to get pregnant. If this is the case for you, or if sex is causing extra stress for you, have a constructive conversation with your partner. Be honest about anything that is bothering you and let them know what would make things better. Be willing to listen to their feelings, too.^{[11]
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- You could say something like, “I’m so stressed about trying to have a baby that sex doesn’t feel romantic anymore. Are you feeling the same? Can we work on this?”
- Maybe you could try something intimate like going out for a romantic dinner or cuddling in front of the fire to see if that helps you relax.

Method 9

Method 9 of 13:
Give yourself permission to stop trying if you need to.

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Take a break from trying to have a baby if you feel worn down. Even if you’ve done your best to deal with your emotions, the stress can still be a lot to handle. If you find yourself feeling exhausted, it’s okay to take a break from trying to conceive. That might mean you stop tracking your cycle, stop planning when to have sex, or maybe stop taking pregnancy tests for a few weeks or months. Remember, this is your journey and you can do whatever feels right to you.^{[12]
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- It’s a good idea to discuss this with your partner to let them know how you feel. You could say, “I’m feeling pretty stressed by trying to get pregnant. Would you be okay if we put the fertility process on the back burner for a couple of months?”
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Method 10

Method 10 of 13:
Lean on your partner for support.

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Ask for help from your partner if you are struggling. Don’t forget that you’re not in this alone. You and your partner should be able to lean on one another. When you are feeling anxious, reach out to them and ask for help. Try to be specific about how you feel and what you need.^{[13]
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- You could say, “I’m feeling so stressed out lately. Could you try spending more time with me in the evenings?”

Method 11

Method 11 of 13:
Reach out to others for help.

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Avoid the urge to isolate yourself. You might feel that no one else understands what you are going through. While that might be true, that doesn’t mean that you’re on your own. In addition to leaning on your partner, reach out to other people who support you. That might mean family members or close friends that you trust and enjoy being around.^{[14]
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- Try saying, “I’m feeling pretty down lately. Could we spend some time together this weekend?”
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Method 12

Method 12 of 13:
Get medical assistance if you feel you need it.

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See a fertility specialist if you don't conceive within a year. This might seem like a really scary step to take, but it's something that many people find very helpful. If you don't conceive within a year of unprotected sex (or 6 months if you're over 35), consider seeking medical guidance. If there are any medical reasons you haven't become pregnant, a doctor might be able to help. Ask your GP for help finding someone to work with.^{[15]
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- If the first specialist doesn't work out, it is a good idea to get a second opinion. Not all doctors are the same.

Method 13

Method 13 of 13:
Find a therapist if you are feeling anxiety or depression.

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Talk to a professional if you feel something is off. It is totally normal to feel overwhelmed and unable to relax when you’re trying to have a baby. But sometimes something more serious might be going on with your mental health. If you worry that you're sinking into a more serious depression, or you feel like the stress and anxiety are taking control of your life, try getting help. Reach out to your doctor or mental health care professional and ask for help.^{[16]
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- Your doctor can refer you to a counselor if you need help finding one.
- You might consider going to therapy while you’re going through this stressful time.
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Expert Q&A

Question

Why is it important to emotionally prepare for pregnancy?

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)
Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator
Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA) is a certified childbirth educator, birth doula, and founder of Birth Matters NYC. With over 10 years of experience, Lisa specializes in labor support, postpartum wellness, and education in the first few months of parenthood. Lisa holds a BA in journalism from Baylor University. She is a certified childbirth educator with both the Childbirth Education Association of Metropolitan New York (CEA/MNY) and Lamaze International. Lisa served on CEA/MNY’s board for 5 years and was named CEA’s Ellen Chuse Childbirth Educator of the Year in 2018. Lisa is also a DONA-certified labor support doula and a professional member of Evidence Based Birth.

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)

Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator

Expert Answer

The birth of a child brings about an identity shift in the lives of the parents. So it is essential to slow down and focus on self-care. It is necessary to spend some time with yourself.
Question

How can I manage stress during pregnancy?

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)
Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator
Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA) is a certified childbirth educator, birth doula, and founder of Birth Matters NYC. With over 10 years of experience, Lisa specializes in labor support, postpartum wellness, and education in the first few months of parenthood. Lisa holds a BA in journalism from Baylor University. She is a certified childbirth educator with both the Childbirth Education Association of Metropolitan New York (CEA/MNY) and Lamaze International. Lisa served on CEA/MNY’s board for 5 years and was named CEA’s Ellen Chuse Childbirth Educator of the Year in 2018. Lisa is also a DONA-certified labor support doula and a professional member of Evidence Based Birth.

Lisa Greaves Taylor, CCCE, LCCE, CD (DONA)

Certified Doula & Childbirth Educator

Expert Answer

If you are working on a job, you can work from home or work for lesser hours. You can get prenatal massages or engage in activities that make you feel relaxed.