How to Reject a Guy Nicely over Text

Co-authored by Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: November 3, 2021 References

It's such a bummer when a guy you don't like asks you out. You don't want to hurt his feelings, but you totally have to say "no." Don't stress because we can help! We’ve compiled the best ways to reject a guy nicely.

Method 1

Method 1 of 9:
Thank him, then say “no.”

1
This is the easiest option and works for any situation. A simple "thank you" shows him you appreciate him. After you thank him, be direct and honest that you’re not interested in dating him. Keep your message short so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.^{[1]
X
Research source} Text something like:
- “I’m really flattered, thank you! But tbh I’m not interested in a relationship.”
- “Thank you for the invitation, but I'm not interested.”
- "Thank you so much for asking! I really appreciate having you as a friend, but I'm not interested in dating."^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Judith Gottesman, MSW
  Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.}
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Method 2

Method 2 of 9:
Give him a compliment first to soften the blow.

1
Starting on a positive note can help a lot.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} Make him feel good about himself! Text him a kind compliment that comes from your heart. Then, explain that you just aren't interested in dating him.^{[4]
X
Research source} You could might say:
- “You’re handsome, smart, and a great singer, but I have to say no.”
- “You’re hilarious and so fun to be around, but I don’t want to take our relationship past the friendship stage.”
- "You have such great style, so anyone would be lucky to have you. However, I don't think a relationship is right for me."

Method 3

Method 3 of 9:
Use "I" statements to protect his feelings.

1
He's less likely to get offended if you start statements with "I." Go the "it's not you, it's me" route. In your response, focus on how you feel and why you aren't right for him. Don't mention his faults or why you aren't interested in him.^{[5]
X
Research source} Try:
- "I care about you a lot, but I'm not in a good place to start a relationship with you right now."
- "I really like having you as a friend, but I don't feel comfortable going further than that."
- "I have fun with you, but I don't think dating is the right choice for me right now."
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Method 4

Method 4 of 9:
Tell him you’re dating someone else.

1
This excuse is convenient if you want to let him down easy. Soften the blow with a little white lie. Act like you really care about the guy, then respectfully decline the date. Explain that you’re already seeing someone, and say it wouldn’t be fair for you to go out with him, too.^{[6]
X
Research source} Try:
- “I’m totally flattered, but I’ve been seeing someone else. It wouldn’t be kind of me to go out with you when I’m seeing him.”
- “Hanging out with you is fun, but I’m already seeing someone. I hope you find the right person soon!”
- "Normally, I'd say yes. But I'm already in a relationship right now, so I can only offer friendship."

Method 5

Method 5 of 9:
Say you only see him as a friend.

1
Let him know how much you value his friendship. Hopefully, this will help you stay friends! Reassure him that you like spending time with him, but only as a friend. Then, explain that your current relationship is all you can offer.^{[7]
X
Research source} You could text:
- “I really like hanging out with you, but I just see us as friends.”
- “You're such a good friend that I can't risk losing you. Can we just stay friends?”
- “We're so close that I think of you as a brother now. I hope you understand that we can't date.”
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Method 6

Method 6 of 9:
Blame a lack of chemistry.

1
This option works well for friends and acquaintances. Tell him you enjoy your friendship but aren’t attracted to him that way.^{[8]
X
Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} Say there just isn’t any spark, but you’re open to hanging out in the future as friends. Leave it at that.^{[9]
X
Research source} Text back something like:
- "I really like spending time with you, but I just don't feel a romantic spark."
- "You're a great guy, but there's no chemistry between us. I think you'll find someone else who's a better match."
- "You're super fun, but I'm not getting romantic vibes. Can we keep our relationship as-is?"

Method 7

Method 7 of 9:
Tell him you aren't the right girl for him.

1
Try this if he seems especially sensitive to rejection. If the guy is very sensitive, you might be super worried about hurting him. To avoid this, take the focus off of him and put it on yourself. Then, encourage him to stop looking at you as the best partner for him. This is another form of the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me.”^{[10]
X
Research source} You might say:
- “You seem like a great guy, but I’m just not the right girl for you.”
- “It’s kind of you to ask me out, but I’m just not the one for you.”
- "You're an amazing guy who deserves someone amazing. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the best match for you"
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Method 8

Method 8 of 9:
Explain that you're focusing on school or work.

1
Say you’re flattered but just don’t have time for romance. For instance, you might mention a class, personal goal, or project that’s taking up a lot of your time.^{[11]
X
Research source} If you get into a relationship down the line and the guy asks about it, just say your schedule cleared up around the time the new person asked you out. Text something like:
- "Dating isn’t even on my radar right now. I’m so busy with school. I just want to focus on my studies.”
- "I wish I had time to date! Right now all of my time is consumed by school."
- “It's nice of you to ask, but my job doesn’t leave time for dating right now. I’m working toward a promotion.”

Method 9

Method 9 of 9:
Say that you aren't ready for a relationship.

1
It's best to use this when it's true rather than as an excuse. Don’t worry about explaining why you don’t want to date. Just tell the person you’re not open to dating right now.^{[12]
X
Research source} Keep in mind that he might have questions if you start dating someone else right after you tell him this. You could say:
- “It's nice of you to ask, but I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone right now.”
- “I’m too busy to get into a relationship right now, so I have to say no.”
- "Right now I'm focusing on myself, so I'm not open to dating anyone."
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