How to Propose Marriage

Co-authored by Nicolette Tura, MA and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: September 27, 2021 References Approved

Proposing marriage can be one of the most nerve-wracking and exciting moments of your life. You may feel a lot of pressure to get every last detail right. Fortunately, there are no rules about proposing! As long as you keep it personal and consider your partner's wishes, you'll do fine. To help you out, we've got a simple list of suggestions that can help you plan and propose with confidence.

Method 1

Method 1 of 13:
Talk about the future with your partner.

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Have the big talk where you imagine a life together before proposing. It's critical to be on the same page as your partner—where will you live? Do you want children? Will you have pets? Discuss the issues that are really important to you so you're completely sure that you're ready to propose.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Nicolette Tura, MA
Authentic Living Expert
Expert Interview. 23 January 2020.}
- Talk about how you'll make decisions together. For instance, if one of you gets offered a job and you'd both have to relocate, how would you decide what to do?

Method 2

Method 2 of 13:
Choose a meaningful location.

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Pick a beautiful, memorable, or sentimental spot. You might go back to the place where you first met or the location of your first date. If you want to surprise them, you might find a really beautiful, romantic spot—a local botanical garden, the top of the Eiffel Tower, you name it! Maybe there's a museum that your partner loves that would make a great location.^{[2]
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- There's a lot of pressure put on finding the perfect spot for a proposal, but keep in mind that your partner might love a romantic moment more than a dream location. For example, you might ask them on your apartment balcony, but do it at night with soft candles and the stars shining so it's really romantic.

Method 3

Method 3 of 13:
Pick the right time.

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Make sure both you and your partner can focus on the proposal. Aim for a calmer day when neither of you has to deal with a lot of work, life, or family stress. Don’t piggyback your proposal onto another special event (like someone else’s wedding, a birthday, or holidays). If you’re feeling a little jittery, propose earlier in the evening and plan a fun night afterwards.^{[3]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 13:
Keep your partner's preferences in mind.

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Make each decision based on their personal preferences. There's no right or wrong way to propose and the proposal should be tailored to fit your partner. One person might love a big surprise proposal in front of their entire extended family while another may prefer an intimate proposal with just the two of you present.^{[4]
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- For instance, if you know your partner hates being the center of attention, definitely don’t propose on the big screen at a sporting event. On the other hand, if you know they’d get a thrill out of having 50,000 people watching them say “yes,” go for it!

Method 5

Method 5 of 13:
Don't be afraid to challenge expectations.

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A proposal doesn't have to mean a man asks a woman on bended knee. It's perfectly alright for a woman to ask her boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, it may not be the traditionally-held view of a proposal, but proposing marriage is all about doing what's best for you two as a couple.^{[5]
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- So long as you know it suits your partner, there’s nothing wrong with a marriage proposal being a sit-down conversation. Talk with your partner about the pros and cons of this momentous step. You could agree to marriage after this conversation or even follow it up with a more traditional proposal.

Method 6

Method 6 of 13:
Follow cultural traditions.

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They may expect you to ask for their parent's permission, for instance. Since traditional proposals are different around the world, find out what matters to your partner and include it in your proposal. They may want a diamond ring when you propose or they might want you to get your whole family's blessing before you ask, for example.^{[6]
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- Not sure if they want a traditional proposal? Pay attention to how they respond to proposals involving friends or even celebrities. You could ask, “So, what did you think of that proposal?”

Method 7

Method 7 of 13:
Pick a ring if your partner would like one.

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Present the ring when you propose to show them that you're serious. If you know that your partner would love to get a ring and you know what they like, go ahead and choose one. It's also completely fine to skip a ring if your partner doesn't want one or would rather pick one out themselves.^{[7]
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- It's not hard to get a ring sized, so don't stress about getting the perfect fit without your partner realizing what you're doing.
- Not everyone wants a diamond engagement ring! Pay attention to styles they like and don't be afraid to go for something basic, vintage, or antique.

Method 8

Method 8 of 13:
Ask or hire someone to take pictures.

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You can have them photograph the actual proposal if you like. This way, you won't be worried about taking photos and popping the question! If you want to keep the proposal private, but still want pictures, consider asking someone to take photos of you after your partner has said yes.^{[8]
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Method 9

Method 9 of 13:
Plan to spend quality time together after the proposal.

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Make room in your schedule for a small celebration. Your celebration is totally up to you. Choose something that you and your partner will really enjoy. It might look like opening a bottle of champagne at home, calling or video chatting your families, or throwing the party of the century. Just make sure you build in that post-proposal time so you don’t have to rush off to any meetings, appointments, or other non-romantic events.^{[9]
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Method 10

Method 10 of 13:
Practice what you want to say.

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You could keep it simple or give a thoughtful speech. Either way, decide what you're going to say in advance so you will be prepared to ask. Practicing can also make the proposal sound more natural and heartfelt later on.^{[10]
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- It's completely fine to keep the proposal brief! You could say nice things about your partner and finish with the classic, "Will you marry me?" request at the end. For instance, say, "Alex, the last 2 years have been the best of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life being happy with you. Will you marry me?"

Method 11

Method 11 of 13:
Pick a nice outfit.

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Choose clothes that make you look good and reflect your personality. A fancy suit or dress might be your thing for a nice dinner proposal, or you might throw on your favorite pair of hiking boots for a proposal on a mountaintop. No matter what you wear, check your clothes for any stains, holes, or fashion faux-pas that might not look so great in photos.^{[11]
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- Consider where you’ll store the ring (if you’re using one). Pick an outfit with pockets or bring a bag/purse.

Method 12

Method 12 of 13:
Enjoy the moment instead of worrying.

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Keep the proposal in perspective and don't stress too much. Not everyone's proposal goes according to plan and that's fine! The whole point is to express your love and ask the person you love to marry you.
- Instead of fretting over the details as the proposal happens, soak in the whole moment. After all, this should be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Method 13

Method 13 of 13:
Pop the question.

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Look into your partner’s eyes and say what you want to say. Whether you get down on one knee or not is totally up to you. Speak from the heart and keep these ideas in mind:^{[12]
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- Embrace nostalgia and talk about when you met: “When we first started dating, I couldn’t believe the cool skater girl wanted to go out with me.”
- Describe what you love about them: “You’re one of the kindest, smartest, strongest people I know. You inspire me every day to become a better person.”
- Talk about your future together: “Even though we’re both terrified of getting older, all I want to do is start a family and grow old with you.”
- Ask the most important question: “Will you marry me?”

Community Q&A
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Question

What should you not do during a proposal?

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In general, it’s best to avoid doing something that might make your partner feel really uncomfortable or embarrassed. Avoid really public proposals unless you’re sure that your partner would be into it and is interested in marrying you, or they may feel pressured or put on the spot. Another big no-no is proposing in a setting where you’d be taking the spotlight away from someone else, like at a friend’s wedding. If you’re proposing with a ring, don’t try to hide it someplace where it might get lost, overlooked, or even swallowed (like in the bottom of a drink or inside a cake)!
Question

Is proposing at home okay?

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Definitely, but try to get a sense of whether that’s something your partner would like. Some people might enjoy having such an intimate, private moment in the comfort of home, while others might prefer a more exciting or romantic setting.
Question

How does a woman propose?

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It totally depends on your personal preferences and the vibe you have as a couple! If you want to keep it simple and casual, wait for an intimate moment, like when you and your partner are sitting together enjoying a quiet drink, then just ask. If you’d rather make it more dramatic, you might arrange a romantic walk in the park and then go down on one knee, or surprise them with a ring or a note tucked into some flowers or a gift box.
Question

What can you say to a girl before before asking her for marriage?

Community Answer

[Her name here], you are my best friend and my world, all I want is to spend my life with you. Will you make me the happiest man/woman on the planet and marry me?
Question

Why is it inappropriate to propose in public?

Community Answer

Proposing in a public setting puts a lot of pressure on the girl to say yes and could embarrass her. In the worst-case scenario, she might run out in tears, pack up her belongings and be gone by the time you get home. Unless you're 100% sure she'll say yes and would appreciate being the center of attention in this way, then keep it private for the sake your girlfriend.
Question

Which one comes first, meeting the girl's parents or proposing with the ring?

Community Answer

You should definitely meet the girl's parents first. It's a good idea to get to know them and let them get to know you. Besides, she's much more likely to say yes if she knows her parents approve of you.
Question

How do you get your girlfriend to marry you while you are both in high school?

Community Answer

In the US, it is illegal to get married if you are under 18 (unless you get parental or judicial consent dependent on state-by-state laws). However, you can still propose to her and be engaged. Plan your wedding like any other couple -- as long it takes place after you both turn eighteen, it is all a matter of the couple's love and commitment to one and another. For other countries, there may be variations on minimum marriage age depending on your national or local laws, so be sure to check at the marriage registrar's office (or equivalent).
Question

Can a girl propose to a man?

Community Answer

Yes, certainly, especially if the two of you have a relationship that isn't based on traditional gender roles.
Question

My boyfriend wants to have a baby, but for me it's better to get married first. How should I know that he still plans to marry me?

Community Answer

Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with, especially something as life-changing as having a baby. It's perfectly reasonable to want to get married and have a stable situation before considering having a child. If you two can't respectfully come to an agreement on this, then maybe you aren't right for each other.
Question

If she wants to pick out the ring, but I want to propose before we get the ring, what can I give her when I propose?

Community Answer

The jeweler I went with had a loaner ring, so to speak. In my case, I picked the diamond they would set in a ring. After the proposal, we went back to my jeweler and she picked out the setting for the diamond.

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About This Article

Co-authored by:

Nicolette Tura, MA

Relationship Coach

This article was co-authored by Nicolette Tura, MA and by wikiHow staff writer, Jessica Gibson. Nicolette Tura is an Authentic Living Expert who operated her own wellness business for more than ten years in the San Francisco Bay Area. Nicolette is a 500-hour Registered Yoga Teacher with a Psychology & Mindfulness Major, a National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) certified Corrective Exercise Specialist, and is an expert in authentic living. She holds a BA in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley and got her master's degree in Sociology from SJSU. She constantly draws from her own wounds and challenges; with her training in the healing arts and sociology, she offers potent content, powerful meditations, and game-changing seminars on inspiring elevation on a personal and corporate level. This article has been viewed 414,367 times.

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Co-authors: 43

Updated: September 27, 2021

Views: 414,367

Categories: Featured Articles | Marriage Proposals