How to Pass Gas in Bed Without Anyone Noticing

When you're sharing your bed with someone (married or not) the potential for an innocent emission to become an embarrassing blunder is immense. Follow these somewhat fail proof steps to keep your partner's respect level the same as it was before you got horizontal. While not limited to the bed, the same technique when mastered can be applied to any number of more public places, such as elevators, cars, waiting in line etc.

Steps

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    Position yourself on your back, lying flat with your hands on your sides. Try not to call too much attention to yourself. Be natural.
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    Slowly slide your hands under your buttocks with your palms placed upward. Left palm on the left buttock and right palm on the right buttock with the thumbs pointing out away from each other.
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    Firmly position the tips of your fingers on the crevice edge of the buttocks and slowly spread your cheeks apart. You want to do this slowly and until your sphincter is sufficiently open.
  4. Image titled Pass Gas in Bed Without Anyone Noticing Step 4
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    With your sphincter open, gently push the gas out of your anus by mildly bearing down. They key is to let it out slowly and silently. Imagine blowing a mouthful of air through loosely pursed lips. Too fast and strong will cause the lips to vibrate and emit noise. It's roughly the same effect.
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    When you've passed as much gas as you can, release the buttocks and let your sphincter close back up naturally.
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    Congratulations! You've just emitted gas without anyone knowing.
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    When you get out of bed, it wouldn't hurt to wash your hands.

Community Q&A

  • Question
    What should I do if I don't have a sphincter?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    A sphincter is a muscle that holds the anus and bladder closed. Everybody has one.
  • Question
    What happens when the smell is so bad, your eyes are watering?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Well, then I think your bed partner will know you farted. Laugh about it.
  • Question
    What if someone is giving me a piggy back and I need to pass gas?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Just pass it. You could ask to be lowered down and move away from that person if you want to be a little more discreet.
  • Question
    What do I do if I have to pass gas in a bathroom stall but there aren't any diversions available? Should I still do it?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    If you are in the bathroom, you are in the optimal place to do it. Do it there, as opposed to anywhere else.
  • Question
    What do I do if I'm alone with my friend and one of us farts?
    Caeiia
    Caeiia
    Top Answerer
    Say "Sorry" for politeness's sake, but chances are the other person won't care. It shouldn't be a big deal.
  • Question
    My girlfriend farts in my face every one and awhile. She is very sensitive to criticism. How do I tell her to stop?
    Tom De Backer
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    You don't have to be rude or insulting, obviously, but you also can't just let it go. If you feel this is something you don't like, you'll have to let her know. Just because she's sensitive to criticism doesn't mean you can't criticize her. Take her feelings into account, but certainly do address the issue. "Look, honey, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I truly feel bad when you do that."
  • Question
    What if I really need a pee and pas gas, but there are no bathrooms?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Hold the gas in, and the urge will go away. If you need to pee and there is absolutely nowhere to go without being seen, then keep really still and cross your legs. Only move to change positions.
  • Question
    What if I want to pass a lot of gas in meeting?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Then you should try this as you would in bed. Lean as back as you can, put your hands under your butt and open it and let it out slowly. Try not to attract too much attention to you as you will get more nervous and you will result in failing to silently pass gas.
  • Question
    What can I do if I m in public?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    If you need to publicly pass audible gas, try to make some noise as a distraction. A quick cough, shout, or a loud question may be the best way.
  • Question
    What if I wet myself while farting?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Go to the bathroom and clean yourself off. You can wash the sheets afterwards.

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About This Article

wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 36 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has been viewed 242,206 times.
209 votes - 69%
Co-authors: 36
Updated: December 8, 2020
Views: 242,206
Categories: Discreet Bodily Etiquette