10+ Myths About Falling in Love (That Could Kill Your Budding Relationship)

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: October 1, 2021 References

Falling in love can be hard to describe. Some say it’s like diving into the ocean, while others say it’s like watching a sunrise. Most of us are pretty sure we know when we’re in love, but there are still some common misconceptions floating around out there. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or just want to learn more, we’ve addressed some of the most common myths about love to dispel some of the mystery.

Method 1

Method 1 of 13:
Myth: Opposites attract.

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Fact: You need to have some things in common with your partner. While some opposition is fine (maybe they like watching horror movies and you’re more of a chick flick kinda person), not having any similar interests can cause tension down the line. If you and your partner have similar hobbies or passions, it can be a fun way for the two of you to spend time together.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- This is also true for values and morals. If you and your partner are opposites on just about everything, there’s a good chance you won’t work out long term.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 13:
Myth: Online dating never works.

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Fact: Many people find long term partners online. Online dating can absolutely be difficult, and it has its own challenges compared to dating in person. However, if you don’t set your expectations too high and you focus on getting to know other people, you can have a great time and meet lots of potential partners.^{[3]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- One of the biggest mistakes people make while dating online is having a long list of criteria for a potential partner. If you have height, weight, education, career, and monetary expectations, chances are, you’re going to be disappointed.

Method 3

Method 3 of 13:
Myth: You can’t sustain the honeymoon period.

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Fact: It takes some effort, but you can totally get butterflies again! Even after you’ve known your partner for a while, you don’t have to stop romancing them. Take a break from your normal routine to get the sparks flying.^{[4]
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- A lot of people forget that they still need to woo their partner, even if they’ve been together for a long time. Going out on dates, spending time together, and even spicing things up in the bedroom can make your relationship feel like it just started all over.

Method 4

Method 4 of 13:
Myth: You'll be excited to see your partner all the time.

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It’s normal to need your own space. Your partner is just like any other human being, and you’ll both go through emotional ups and downs as you’re starting a new relationship. That exciting period of infatuation and passionate love lasts from 3-18 months before the relationship moves into a deeper, calmer phase of bonding. It’s healthy for some of the excitement to settle over time.^{[5]
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Method 5

Method 5 of 13:
Myth: Women are more romantic than men.

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Fact: It really depends on the person. Studies have shown that all genders have different ideas on how much romance they want or need in a relationship. If you like romance, that’s totally valid! And if you aren’t into the lovey-dovey stuff, that’s fine too!^{[6]
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Research source}
- It helps to talk about this kind of stuff with your partner as you get to know them more. If they appreciate romantic gestures, consider adding them into your monthly routine. If they aren’t that bothered about them, focus on showing your love in other ways.

Method 6

Method 6 of 13:
Myth: You’ll feel complete once you find “the one.”

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Fact: You can’t fix all your problems with a romantic partner. If you were dealing with issues before you met your love interest, chances are, you’ll still be dealing with them afterwards. A relationship can definitely make you feel happier, but it won’t complete you as a person.^{[7]
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Research source}
- Thinking of another person as your “other half” can be a little scary—what happens if you two break up? Remember that you’re a whole person on your own, even if you’re not in a relationship.

Method 7

Method 7 of 13:
Myth: You’ll know right away if you’re compatible.

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Fact: On average it takes 6 months to determine if someone’s “the one”. A survey of married couples revealed it took about 172 days after meeting before they were sure they found their partner for life.^{[8]
X
Trustworthy Source
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
Official peer-reviewed and multidisciplary journal for the National Academy of Sciences.
Go to source} Pay attention to major red flags and deal breakers early on in the relationship, but be patient and give your love time to grow.

Method 8

Method 8 of 13:
Myth: Love at first sight is real.

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Fact: Love at first sight is actually just physical attraction. When couples describe experiencing love at first sight, they’re really talking about strong attraction. Studies show they may even retroactively label their feelings as love at first sight, but it’s unlikely they experienced true love right when they met. Scientists define love as marked by high passion, intimacy, and commitment, which take time to build.^{[9]
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Method 9

Method 9 of 13:
Myth: You’re either attracted to someone or you’re not.

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Fact: Physical attraction can grow over time. While physical attraction is definitely an important part of a relationship, your partner doesn’t have to be the hottest person in every room.^{[10]
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Research source} In fact, factors like putting effort towards shared goals, kindness, and emotional connection can make someone more attractive.^{[11]
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Research source} So if you really like someone but don’t feel super attracted to them, be patient and see if that attraction builds over time.

Method 10

Method 10 of 13:
Myth: Monogamy isn’t natural.

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Fact: Primates evolved to favor monogamy. Having two parents to take care of the children ensured that they got more food to eat, which led to higher survival rates. This isn’t to say that you have to be monogamous—polyamory and non-monogamy are totally acceptable stances—but anyone trying to convince you not to be monogamous because of evolution isn’t 100% right.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- If you or your partner want to explore polyamory or non-monogamy, make sure you discuss boundaries and rules beforehand.

Method 11

Method 11 of 13:
Myth: If a relationship is meant to happen, it will happen.

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Fact: Relationships take time and effort. If you aren’t in a relationship, you have to put yourself out there to find one. If you’re in a relationship, you have to make an effort to love your partner and make sure they feel loved. Sitting back and relaxing probably won’t land you a date or a lasting relationship.^{[13]
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Research source}
- Once you're in a relationship, you have to maintain it by doing things like communicating openly and letting them know that you appreciate them.^{[14]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
  Psychotherapist
  Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.}
- Similarly, just loving someone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. You might love your partner with your whole heart, but if you have underlying differences or issues that you can’t fix, the relationship might not work out.

Method 12

Method 12 of 13:
Myth: Jealousy shows how much you care.

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Fact: Jealousy stems from insecurity, which can weigh on a relationship. Setting boundaries with your partner is fine, but feeling jealous about everyone they talk to or have friendships with can cause resentment over time. If you’re struggling with jealousy or a jealous partner, a mental health professional might be beneficial.^{[15]
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- When jealousy gets extreme, it can even lead to aggression.

Method 13

Method 13 of 13:
Myth: If your relationship needs therapy, it’s already too late.

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Fact: Couples counseling can make your relationship much stronger. Sometimes relationships have issues that are hard to solve in the partnership. An outside perspective can really help you figure out what’s going on between you and your partner. Taking the step to do couples counseling rarely spells the end of the relationship; in fact, it shows that you and your partner are committed to making it work.^{[16]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}