How to Know if You Should Fix a Broken Friendship

Co-authored by Tala Johartchi, PsyD and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: October 8, 2021 References

There’s no getting around it—all friendships have their highs and lows. But what if your friendship starts feeling like a constant low? As hard as it may be at first, it’s important to think about what the friendship brings to your day-to-day life, and if it’s worth hanging onto in the long run. Don’t worry. We’ve put together a handy checklist to help walk you through this difficult time, so you can decide what’s best for you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 10:
Does the friendship add something to your life?

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Ask yourself what your friend really means to you, and what they bring to your life. Maybe your friend makes you smile, provides comfort on a difficult day, or makes time to be with you. If your broken friendship just isn’t giving you the warm and fuzzies anymore, it might be time to pull the plug.^{[1]
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- If your friend never makes time to chat or hang out with you, it might not be worth salvaging the relationship.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Tala Johartchi, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.}
- If your friend tends to make snarky, hurtful comments, it might be worth having a conversation before ending the friendship. They might not realize how they come off to others.

Method 2

Method 2 of 10:
Was the friendship always broken?

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Think about how your friend has treated you in the past. What made your friendship work in the first place, and when did your relationship really start to change? If you and your friend are just going through a rough patch, it might be worth it to talk through your issues. However, if the friendship is mostly toxic, it might not be worth saving in the long run.^{[3]
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- For example, if your friend is consistently rude, demeaning, and judgmental, the friendship might not be worth holding onto.
- If your friend is normally kind and considerate but simply going through a difficult time, your friendship is probably fixable.

Method 3

Method 3 of 10:
Does this friendship negatively affect your mental health?

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Your mental health comes first in all of your friendships. Ask yourself if your friend uplifts and supports you, or if they’re a constant drain on your mental and emotional energy.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Tala Johartchi, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.} If you feel negative and down on yourself whenever you’re around this person, the friendship might not be worth fixing.^{[5]
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- Think about the last few instances you spent time with this person. If you tend to feel worse about yourself after these hangouts, the friendship may not be worth your time.
- For example, your friend might be minimizing your problems, criticizing you constantly, or talking constantly about themselves.

Method 4

Method 4 of 10:
Is your friend trustworthy?

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Trust is a critical, irreplaceable part of any friendship. Mull over the past times you’ve confided in your friend. Do they usually keep your secrets under wraps, or do they always spill the beans to someone else? If your friend is constantly betraying your trust, they aren’t worth having in your life.^{[6]
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- Untrustworthy friends may view themselves as trustworthy and harmonious, even if their behavior totally contradicts that.

Method 5

Method 5 of 10:
Does your friendship have an equal give and take?

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A genuine friendship shouldn’t be one-sided. Of course, there will be times when one friend has a little more to share than the other. But what if you’re constantly listening, constantly giving advice, and constantly putting your own needs aside for the sake of your friend? In a healthy friendship, you and your friend should support each other equally.^{[7]
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Tala Johartchi, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.}
- For example, if your friend is constantly talking about their problems but never asking about yours, it might be time to step away from the friendship.
- In an unhealthy friendship, your friend might constantly need to be "rescued."^{[9]
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  Expert Source
  
  Tala Johartchi, PsyD
  Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 16 July 2021.}

Method 6

Method 6 of 10:
Are your conversations positive or negative?

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All friendships have highs and lows, but they shouldn’t be a constant low. Friendship is all about being there for each other, both in the good times and the bad. Still, your friend shouldn’t be constantly seeing the glass as half-empty. At the end of the day, your relationship should enrich your life, not deplete your energy.^{[10]
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- For instance, think about the past 3 conversations you had with your friend. Were they mostly positive, or were they full of negative energy?

Method 7

Method 7 of 10:
Is your friend passive-aggressive?

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Passive-aggresive behavior comes in many shapes and sizes. Maybe your friend is in a constantly sour mood, or is giving you the silent treatment over something. Perhaps they insult you under the guise of a compliment. At the end of the day, a passive-aggressive friendship is rooted in toxicity, and may not be worth your time and energy.^{[11]
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- A passive-aggressive friend might say, “I really love your painting! It’s almost as good as Sally’s.”

Method 8

Method 8 of 10:
Does your friend create a lot of drama?

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Your friendship shouldn’t make you stressed out. Think back to the past few months you’ve spent with your friend. While some conflicts are unavoidable, certain people tend to be magnets for both attracting and creating drama. If your friend is always at odds with someone (including you!), the friendship might not be worth fixing.^{[12]
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- For instance, your friend might always spread rumors and share gossip about other people.

Method 9

Method 9 of 10:
Do you run out of things to talk about?

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Sometimes, friendships end naturally. Maybe you just aren’t interested in the same things anymore, or your lives are branching off in different directions. That’s okay! There’s no point holding onto a friendship that doesn’t make you happy.^{[13]
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- For example, you might grow apart from a high school friend after you head to college.
- You might lose touch with a friend from soccer once you stop playing the sport.

Method 10

Method 10 of 10:
Would a heartfelt conversation improve matters?

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Not all toxic friendships are doomed to fail. When people are surrounded by toxic role models, they might adopt some of those toxic habits without realizing it. Imagine you’re having a chat with your friend later on—do you think they’d be willing to listen and change, or would they dismiss your concerns? If your friend is cooperative, the friendship might be worth fixing.^{[14]
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- For instance, if your friend grew up in a toxic home with divorced parents, they might not know how to properly care for and support their friends.