How to Know if You Are Ready to Start a Family

Last Updated: October 15, 2021 References

Deciding to start your own family is a difficult decision. Although it can be one of the most rewarding areas in life, it is also demanding of your time, money, and there's no guarantee of success.

Method 1

Method 1 of 7:
Assess your maturity level.

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Are you an adult? Not only in terms of physical maturity, but also of your emotional, intellectual, and spiritual development.^{[1]
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- Do you feel you can move beyond all-night parties?
- You must be prepared to put the needs of others before your own, and willing to make sacrifices that can be painful.
- You must also be able to take care of yourself, not be dependent on others to care for you. That means that you should not count on grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or anyone else to raise your child. (That doesn't mean that they cannot aid or support you, just that you cannot expect them to always be able to help out.)
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Method 2

Method 2 of 7:
Think about your current relationship.

1
Are you in a stable relationship? There are successful single mothers and fathers, of course. But your best bet for success, happiness and well-being is love, compassion and support from a spouse or partner who is committed to both you and your baby.^{[2]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 7:
Talk to your spouse.

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Bringing a baby into the world, or a child into a family in which both parents aren't both thrilled about the arrangement is not fair to anyone. You both need to be on-board. ^{[3]
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Research source}^{[4]
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Expert Source

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 2 September 2021.}

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Method 4

Method 4 of 7:
Evaluate your finances.

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Assess your finances; it takes more than love to raise a baby or child. Try to estimate the cost of baby supplies, clothes and furniture as well as other things you may need such as daycare. ^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
US Department of Agriculture
U.S. agency responsible for promoting good agricultural practices and protecting consumers
Go to source}^{[6]
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Expert Source

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 2 September 2021.}

Method 5

Method 5 of 7:
Take parenting classes.

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Consider how much you know about raising children. You can take parenting courses, babysit nieces and nephews and the babies of friends. Find out what you would be getting into. But don't be too afraid; while parenting is difficult, every parent learns with every child as life moves on.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}

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Method 6

Method 6 of 7:
Be prepared for emergencies.

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Assess your ability to deal with the unexpected. Just like other parts of life, there are no guarantees with children. While you should not worry endlessly about the unknown keep in mind that you won't be in control of everything life may hand you when it comes to having children. If you can reasonably be able to manage without everything going exactly right, you may be ready.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
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- You may find yourself the parent of a disabled child.
- You may end up a single parent by divorce or death.
- You could end up conceiving triplets.
- Your finances may change.

Method 7

Method 7 of 7:
Think about alternatives.

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Decide if children are a good fit for this phase in your life. There may not ever be a perfect time, but you may or may not be in a good current position to have children.^{[9]
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Research source} Decide how much you want children. On an emotional level, do you really want to be a parent? Do you feel you would miss out if you don't have a child? ^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 2 September 2021.}
- If you are in your 20s, you likely have more time to find the right partner, build a career, and become a biological parent.
- In your late 30s or 40s you might be bumping up against your child-bearing years, although adoption is of course an option at any age.
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Expert Q&A

Question

What is the ideal age to start a family?

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Steven Hesky is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 37 years of experience. He specializes in long-term psychotherapy with adults and adolescents. His training includes Freudian, Jungian, and Existential approaches to psychotherapy, hypnosis, family therapy, marriage counseling, and biofeedback. Dr. Hesky holds a BA in Philosophy from Lake Forest College and an MA and PhD in Existential Clinical Psychology from Duquesne University.

Steven Hesky, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Being on the same page with your partner is more important than being the right age. A lot of times, people tend to think that they're never ready for kids until they actually have them.

Warnings

Don't have a baby to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse. More often than not, it won't work and complicate matters further.

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Don't have a baby to have someone who loves you. Especially in the first few months, for a baby, it is more a primitive need for nurturance than reciprocal love.

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