Is It Normal to Be Bored in a Relationship? Reasons Why Your Relationship Is Boring & What to Do About It

Co-authored by John Keegan and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: December 1, 2021 References

If you're feeling bored in your relationship, it’s natural to worry something is wrong. Fortunately, you likely have nothing to worry about. If it seems like the sparks in your relationship have turned to ash, you just need to reignite the flames. We’ll help you figure out if something is wrong in your relationship and provide plenty of ideas for how to fix it.

Method 1

Method 1 of 13:
It’s normal to get bored in a relationship.

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Relationship boredom is a common—and fixable—issue. When your relationship is new, everything is exciting. Over time, it’s easy to get bored in your usual routines. Try not to worry because boredom can help you reinvigorate your relationship if you use it to make changes.^{[1]
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Research source} Here are some signs you’re bored in your relationship:
- You’re less attracted to your partner.
- You want to spend less time with your partner.
- You feel annoyed with your partner.
- You feel anxious about your future with your partner.
- You’re losing interest in your partner’s life, thoughts, and interests.

Method 2

Method 2 of 13:
You feel like you know everything about them.

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Ask each other new questions to have meaningful conversations. Take heart because there are always new things to learn about your partner. Discovering their secrets, desires, and opinions helps you feel closer and reminds you why you fell for them in the first place.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Luis Congdon
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 13 September 2021.} Here are some questions you might ask:
- What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
- If you could live abroad for a year, where would you go?
- What are 10 things you would bring to Mars?
- What superpower do you wish you had?
- What makes you feel the most loved?
- What movie reminds you of us and why?
- What accomplishment makes you the most proud?
- Where do you see us in 5 years?
- What’s your current guilty pleasure?

Method 3

Method 3 of 13:
You’re trapped in a boring routine.

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Change up your routine by trying something new. A nice cozy routine can be a recipe for boredom. Fortunately, doing new things together can create the same spark you felt when you first fell in love.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Luis Congdon
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 13 September 2021.} Here are some things you could try:
- Eat a restaurant you’ve never tried.
- Cook new recipes together.
- Have a picnic in your yard or a local park.
- Check out free events around your city.
- Go out with friends.
- Learn a new language together.
- Take a class together.
- Act like tourists in your own city.
- Take a day trip.
- Vacation somewhere you’ve never visited.

Method 4

Method 4 of 13:
You don’t have any shared interests.

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It’s hard to enjoy time together if you like to do different things. You might feel like you’re drifting apart, which can be scary. Have a chat with your partner about your interests so you can figure out where they overlap. Then, make plans to pursue one of your commonalities.^{[4]
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Research source} For instance, here are some common interests:
- Going to museums.
- Watching old movies.
- Visiting art exhibits.
- Watching anime.
- Enjoying live music.
- Going to comic book stores or conventions.
- Playing role-playing games.
- Watching sports games.

Method 5

Method 5 of 13:
You’re not making time for each other.

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Make plans so you both have something to look forward to. Life gets busy, and it’s easy for your responsibilities to distract you from your relationship. Pretty soon, the future starts to look bleak. Fortunately, scheduling plans with your partner can help right your relationship.^{[5]
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Research source} Try this:
- Schedule date nights every week.
- Recreate your favorite memories.
- Start planning a vacation.
- Enroll in a cooking class together.
- Get concert tickets for a band you both like.
- Make s’mores over a fire pit or grill.
- Buy your groceries at a farmers market and picnic while you’re there.

Method 6

Method 6 of 13:
You need more time alone.

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Ironically, spending too much time together can be bad. Over time, boredom and frustration can creep in because you’re not doing what’s important to you. Schedule time for both you and your partner to focus on yourselves.^{[6]
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Research source} For example, you might take time to do things like:
- Go out with your friends.
- Practice an instrument.
- Go to a book club.
- Take an art class.
- Work on your studies or career.
- Train for a race.
- Start an online business.

Method 7

Method 7 of 13:
You’re not focusing your attention on each other.

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Your connection can fade if you’re not paying attention to each other. Talk to your partner about setting aside some time to really focus on each other. During that time, silence your phones and really connect with each other. Here are some ideas for spending quality time together:^{[7]
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Research source}
- Go for an evening walk.
- Cuddle on the couch and watch a movie.
- Go on a romantic date.
- Play a game together.
- Enjoy a common interest.

Method 8

Method 8 of 13:
You’re forgetting what they add to your life.

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Express gratitude for your partner’s contributions to your life. You and your partner probably do a lot for each other, but it’s easy to take each other for granted. Start thanking your partner for all the ways they make your life better. In time, this will bring you both closer together.^{[8]
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Research source}
- Say something like, “Thank you for cooking tonight,” “I appreciate you listening to me vent,” or “I love how much you make me laugh.”

Method 9

Method 9 of 13:
Life changes are affecting your relationship.

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Talk to each other about how these changes are affecting you. Outside stressors can suck the fun out of your relationship, but there’s hope. Sharing how you feel and listening to your partner’s thoughts can help you rebuild your connection.^{[9]
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Research source} You might say:
- “Lately, all we talk about is our financial problems. I was hoping we could set aside some time to reconnect. Can we go for a walk this evening?”
- “I know we’re both working long hours, but I really miss spending time with you. Can we talk over dinner tonight?”
- “Ever since we had the baby, life has felt extra chaotic. I’m worried we aren’t as strong as a couple as we used to be. I love you so much! Can we do something special tonight during the baby’s nap?”
- “I really appreciate all your help lately while I’ve been sick. However, I can tell there’s some tension between us. I think it’d be a good idea for us to have a date night this Saturday so we can decompress and reconnect.”

Method 10

Method 10 of 13:
Sex is no longer exciting.

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Spice things up in the bedroom to reignite your spark. Physical intimacy is really important, but every couple goes through dry spells. While you might feel more comfortable with each other, you also don't have the same excitement as when you first got together. Fortunately, it's easy to spice things up. Try this:^{[10]
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Research source}
- Schedule time to have sex.
- Talk about your fantasies and desires.
- Build anticipation with texting.
- Try a new sexual position.
- Introduce a kink, like BDSM.

Method 11

Method 11 of 13:
Your text conversation has gone stale.

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Keep your conversation fun and flirty. Communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Early on, a lot of your communication comes via text. If the conversation starts drying up, try the following to reignite it:^{[11]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.}
- Send a picture of your view or what you’re doing.
- Ask about their day.
- Share a meme or gif.
- Suggest a song.
- Comment on a common interest.

Method 12

Method 12 of 13:
You’re not able to connect in your long-distance relationship.

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Carve out time for each other to spice things up. Long-distance relationships can be just as deep and fulfilling as in-person relationships. However, being separated makes it hard to build intimacy. Fortunately, spending time together virtually can rekindle your spark. Try the following:^{[12]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 29 June 2021.}
- Set up date nights over Zoom or Skype.
- Watch a movie, play a game, or read together.
- Text each other throughout the day.
- Be intimate with sexting or sex over a video call.
- Plan trips to see each other.

Method 13

Method 13 of 13:
You’re falling out of love.

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Consider moving on if you can't rekindle the romance. Breakups are painful, but so is staying with someone who isn’t right for you. If you just can’t shake the boredom, ask yourself if it’s time to walk away. You might decide to break up if you’re experiencing the following:^{[13]
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Research source}
- You want to stop trying.
- You want more out of a relationship.
- You’ve stopped enjoying time with them.
- You’ve started to notice more differences than similarities.
- You’re improving yourself, but they hold you back.
- You’re comparing your relationship to other people’s or to your past relationships.