How Can Texting Ruin Relationships? Learn What's Normal and What's Too Much

Co-authored by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 26, 2021 References

Back in the old days, dating and friendships were all left to face-to-face communication. With the rise of technology, it’s easier than ever to get ahold of someone via a text message, no matter where they are or what time it is. But can too much texting actually be a bad thing? We’ve answered your questions about digital communication so you can learn more about texting and how it’s affecting your relationships.

Question 1

Question 1 of 6:
Can too much texting ruin a relationship?

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It can, mainly because it can’t replace talking in-person. In general, face-to-face communication is better than texting someone on the phone. You can’t read someone’s body language or hear their tone of voice when you text, so a lot of nuance is lost in your communication. Experts warn that you should never have an argument over text because it’s so easy to misunderstand what the other person was trying to say.^{[1]
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It can, simply because texting someone too much is exhausting. Have you ever come home from a hard day and all you want to do is lie down and go to sleep? But then someone texts you, and you feel obligated to respond because you’re technically not busy. This is when texting can ruin relationships—you start to feel resentful because the other person expects you to communicate constantly, and your texting partner has no idea you feel that way.^{[2]
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Question 2

Question 2 of 6:
Is texting ruining communication?

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No, not necessarily. Texting actually allows for more communication and additional ways for us to connect with our friends and loved ones. The main negative about texting comes when we ignore our real life conversations in favor of texting. If you are ignoring your partner, your friends, or your family members to text, that’s when it could become an issue.^{[3]
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Question 3

Question 3 of 6:
What are the negative effects of texting?

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It can feel stressful to always communicate with others. Unlike phone calls, texting only takes a second—so if we don’t answer a text, we often feel guilty or stressed about it until we do. Texting still uses up our social battery, so it can lead to overstimulation and exhaustion, even if you’re at home by yourself.^{[4]
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Texting can be used as an escape. Someone who is constantly texting may be looking for an escape mechanism because they’re uncomfortable in their current situation. If you text a lot at parties or during social situations, it might be because texting feels more comfortable. However, it can cause you to ignore your real-life relationships, even when they’re right in front of you.^{[5]
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3
Couples with mismatched texting styles report being unhappy. If your significant other texts a lot but you don’t like texting that much, it can become an issue. Maybe your partner expects you to answer their texts all day, but you prefer talking on the phone. If you don’t communicate your texting needs with the person you’re in a relationship with, it can lead to problems down the road.^{[6]
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Question 4

Question 4 of 6:
Is texting a girl cheating?

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No, not if you two are just friends. If you’re in a relationship and you send a few quick texts to a friend or a coworker, that’s fine! You’re allowed to have friendships outside of your relationship, and you can text your friends whenever you want.^{[7]
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It can become cheating if it turns into an emotional affair. Emotional affairs are more than just friendships, but not quite romantic relationships. You can tell you’re falling into an emotional affair when you text a “friend” more than you text your partner, or you share intimate details about your life with this person, even though you don’t tell the person you’re dating about them. If you would be afraid or ashamed to show your partner the texts you’re sending, that’s a red flag.^{[8]
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- Texts can also cross the line if they become explicit or too sexual. Sending lewd or nude photos to someone besides your partner can also be considered cheating.
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Question 5

Question 5 of 6:
Is it normal to text all day in a relationship?

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It can be, but you don’t have to. When you first get into a relationship, it’s normal to text each other a little more than you usually would. Over time, however, you might fall into a rhythm where you only text each other a few times a day instead of all day. That way, when you two chat on the phone or in-person, you have more things to talk about.^{[9]
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- If you don’t want to text all day but your partner does, sit down and talk with them about it. Say something like, “I love hearing updates about your day, but I think it would be more special if we saved them for when we see each other at home.”

Question 6

Question 6 of 6:
Is it normal to not talk to your partner all day?

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It can be, especially if your partner is super busy. Maybe they’re having a tough day at work, or maybe they’ve been out running errands all day. If your partner hasn’t had a chance to check their phone, you might not hear from them for a few hours or even all day. If it bothers you, you can ask your partner to set aside a few minutes out of the day to check in with you when they can.^{[10]
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- Say something like, “I know you’re super busy at work, but I’d love it if you could text or call me on your lunch break, just to check in.”
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