How to Get a Girl's Attention if You Are a Girl

Last Updated: October 15, 2021

Are you a girl who has a real crush on another girl, but can't seem to get her to notice that you're interested? Don't worry, loads of girls have this problem. Sometimes you're uncomfortable with identifying yourself as gay, or don't want everyone to know just yet. Here are a few ways to show that you're interested.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:
Conversing with Your Crush

1
Become comfortable around her. This is a crucial step in the process to being noticed. Make sure you aren't too shy or jumpy around her. This can be a major issue for some people who stutter or get nervous easily, but take your time. There's nothing to worry about.
2
Get to know her. This is a very important part of the relationship, but DON'T hurry or overdo this. Girls who have just been friends up to this point will not commonly think of another girl as a potential date. So start some small talk and give her some hints and some things to think about. Talk about school or business/work. Strike up a conversation, or work in a group, or on a project with her. She will look at you in different ways as she gets to know you better.

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3
Drop a hint. These are a more subtle start, with you showing interest in her first. Also not to be overdone. See the sections on verbal and non-verbal hints.
4
Ask her. Come right out and ask if she's ever considered herself bisexual or been interested in a bisexual experience.
5
Cope with non-interest. There will be letdowns in your life, don't let one disappointment interfere with the rest of your life. If you've tried everything with no results, it's simply time for you to move on to the next experience with the next person. No hard feelings - not every pair is a match.

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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:
Giving Subtle, Verbal Hints

1
Tell a slightly inappropriate joke about gays or lesbians and watch for a reaction (don't get too nasty, you're just trying to gauge the response). What you're trying to do is determine if she's bigoted or has a negative feeling about gays in general, or if she seems to be okay with everything. Be sure the joke is funny so you both can laugh over it if there's just a neutral response from her.
2
Approach her often. Spur conversations in that direction (girls with girls) and let her know, "That sounds like fun." Or, the ever-popular, "I've never tried it but it doesn't sound bad".
3
Ask or tell about your current girlfriends. This requires you to come out and identify yourself as bisexual or lesbian.
4
Inquire if she has a girlfriend or if she's ever had one. If she corrects you ("You mean "boyfriend?"), then say "Oops - what did I say? Silly me." and smile.

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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:
Using Non-Verbal Hints

1
Wink. If she ever glances at you, give her a wink.
2
Give her an engaging smile. If she tells a joke or asks you a touchy question, give a suggestive, maybe even a little mischievous smile. This one can be very effective.
3
Consider a hug. If you have the opportunity and it feels natural and not weird or forced, give her a hug. Make sure you hold it just a little longer than usual - don't wait till she's trying to peel you off her.
4
Touch her hand. If she puts her hand on the table or desk, and you're nearby, reach for the nearest object to her hand and intentionally brush your hand up against her hand, and hover for a second before blushing and grabbing the object. Watch her reaction carefully.

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Community Q&A

Question

This girl at work keeps on staring at me, but whenever I look at her she looks away. We always make eye contact and she gives me a smile and blushes, but she has a long-distance relationship with a boyfriend. I am confused; why is she staring at me, could she be bi? Or just friendly?

Moonmodule1998

Top Answerer

Either answer's possible. She could have a crush on you. She could also simply be shy, or friendly, as you said. She may want to be your friend, but is unsure how to approach you. The behavior you've noted does sound like the typical signs of a crush, but that doesn't mean you can be certain. Since she has a boyfriend and you're uncertain of her orientation, even if you do have some feelings for her, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to act on them. With a few obvious exceptions, for example, if she tells you she's in an open and/or polyamorous relationship.
Question

What if the girl I like just thinks I'm being friendly and doesn't fully understand I'm a lesbian?

Community Answer

Hint at it: make a joke about gays or recommend a gay movie or book.
Question

Is it morally wrong to cause my friend to like me (she does but, feels guilty doing so) because we are in a religious institution where homosexuality isn't allowed?

Community Answer

No, love is never morally wrong. The institution is in the wrong for establishing rules about who people can love and who they can be. You and your friend have nothing to feel guilty about.
Question

I asked a girl I like out and she said no. Can I change her mind?

Community Answer

Ask her why she said no. If she simply isn't interested in having a romantic relationship with you, there isn't much you can do. Continue being her friend. She may change her mind, or she may not, but value her friendship.
Question

What if I am scared?

Community Answer

Work on your own self-confidence before approaching a girl. If you love yourself and are proud of who you are, that will translate. Take your time to be comfortable with yourself.
Question

When do I ask her to have sex?

Community Answer

When you are ready. Sex is a special thing, so do it with the right person.
Question

What if she has a boyfriend?

Community Answer

If she has a boyfriend then she may be straight, but she's definitely taken, so you should respect that. Try becoming her friend. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Question

Why does the girl I like use dirty pickup lines?

Andrew Serrano

Top Answerer

Probably because sometimes people say things just to be funny, so don't read too much into it.
Question

I'm terrified of coming out. What can I do? How do I know if it's safe?

Community Answer

You have to find the right person to come out to. Get someone you fully trust. When you are ready to tell him/her, meet at the park, or take a walk and talk about it.
Question

What if I'm just figuring myself out?

Community Answer

That's totally okay. Most teens are, which is why it's a good idea not to rush to any definite conclusions about your sexuality. There's a tremendous amount of pressure to identify one way or another during a period in your life when there are lots of intense feelings and physical changes taking place and a lot of confusion about what to do with all the messages being sent in our sex-saturated media. Relax, get an education, make good friends, and wait.