This article was co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden. Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
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Did you have a crush on someone who didn't like you back or did you discover that your boyfriend didn’t care about you the way you cared about him? While romantic rejection is common, it can be a painful and difficult experience to get over. Whether you had a crush on someone who didn’t like you back or you found out your boyfriend didn’t care for you, mending a broken heart can take some time. Read through these tips about getting over a guy to change your perspective and keep moving forward.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 11:Acknowledge your own feelings.
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1It’s the first step toward feeling better overall. Try confiding in a trusted friend or writing down your feelings in a diary to let it all out. Regardless of how serious your relationship with the guy was, this is an important step in the grieving process.[1]
- Don’t pretend that it didn’t happen or act like you are unfazed by the situation. To effectively get over someone, according to psychologists, you need to recognize and admit what you are dealing with.
Method 2
Method 2 of 11:Don’t blame yourself.
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1It will only make you feel worse. It can be easy to look at yourself and find fault; however, try to remember that there’s nothing wrong with you as a person. If the guy you’re having trouble getting over didn’t care about you, it just means that you two weren’t a good fit.[2]
- It can be helpful to use affirmations to remind yourself that you are not to blame. You could say things like, “I am worthy of love,” or, “This was not my fault.”
Method 3
Method 3 of 11:Embrace your independence.
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1Doing fun things on your own will make you feel good. Take yourself out for ice cream, go for a drive around town, or spend some time in nature. Being on your own can be a fun time, and you don’t need anyone else to enjoy life.[3]
- Take note of all the things you do on your own, and the many ways in which you are independent. For example, are you financially independent? In what ways do you take responsibility for your own happiness?
Method 4
Method 4 of 11:Make a list of your positive qualities.
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1Remember how awesome you are all on your own. Sit down and write out 10 things you love about yourself, no matter how small. It could be anything: sobriety, fashion sense, kindness toward others, friendships, or being a great cook. Take a look at the list whenever you’re feeling down to pick yourself back up again.[4]
- Feeling rejected can lower your self esteem, and this exercise is designed to help you remember what a catch you are.
- Sometimes it can be helpful to ask a good friend for their input. We sometimes have a hard time recognizing positives in ourselves.
Method 5
Method 5 of 11:Give yourself time.
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1It really is the best medicine. Although you may feel frustrated that it’s taking time to get over someone, avoid being hard on yourself. If you try to force yourself to move on quickly, you might make yourself feel even worse.[5]
- Even if you were not in an official relationship, you have lost someone who you thought was important to you. As a result, you need to give yourself time to recover without feeling like you should be making more progress.
Method 6
Method 6 of 11:Distance yourself from the guy.
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1Don’t remind yourself of what he put you through. To speed up your recovery, it's a good idea to keep your interactions with the guy to a minimum. You don’t have to avoid the person at all costs and it may not be realistic to cut him out of your life, but you should do what is needed to help you feel better.[6]
- This might mean spending time in new places or hanging out with different friends if you travel in the same circles. You may also want to block him on social media accounts or delete contacts in your phone.
Method 7
Method 7 of 11:Delete old photos that bring back memories.
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1It might seem painful, but it’s a good way to move on. Of course, you don’t have to get rid of everything (some memories are nice to look back on). However, if your camera roll is full of pics of the two of you, it might be time to clear it out. Consider putting them on a USB drive and keeping them in a drawer if you don’t want to delete them.[7]
- The same goes for any pictures you have of him hanging around your home. If you don’t want to get rid of them completely, compile them all and put them in a box or a drawer in your closet.
Method 8
Method 8 of 11:Get some exercise in.
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1Release some endorphins to pick yourself up. Although working out may be the last thing you want to do when you are feeling down, research shows that exercise can help you feel less depressed and more confident. Try going for a run, going swimming, going biking, or practicing yoga.[8]
- Exercising also gives you a sense of control and power over your situation. Imagine that you are taking charge of your life in the same way you are taking charge of your physical activity.
Method 9
Method 9 of 11:Hang out with your friends.
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1Spend time with those who love you the most. If you don’t feel up to doing much, invite a few friends over to hang out and watch movies. Or, go out to a bar and have a few drinks with them. Isolating yourself will probably make you feel worse, so it’s important to lean on your support network.[9]
- Your family members can be helpful, too. Reach out to your parents, siblings, or anyone else you’re close with for some advice and comfort.
Method 10
Method 10 of 11:Organize fun activities and outings.
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1Take your mind off your troubles by trying new things. Go out to dinner, see a movie, plan a trip, or take a spa day. Try out a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try, whether you’re with your friends or on your own.[10]
- If you’re having trouble taking your mind off things, bring a friend or two along. They can help distract you from your thoughts so you can actually have a good time.
Method 11
Method 11 of 11:Meet with a mental-health professional.
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1They can help you work through your feelings in a healthy way. Mental health professionals are trained to guide people through the grieving process and help them move forward with their lives and future relationships.[11]
- If you are depressed and having a hard time getting past the guy who doesn’t care about you, a trained mental-health professional may be able to recommend therapy options, support-group meetings, or even medicine that can help you feel better.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I move on from an ex?
Chloe Carmichael, PhDChloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”
Licensed Clinical PsychologistI would recommend making a list of the top 10 problems you had in the relationship. If you're having trouble remembering anything bad, try asking a friend for help. They'll be able to give you some perspective. While it may be hard, realizing why you broke up will help you heal and move on with your life.
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Warnings
- Avoid self-destructive behaviors such as drugs, drinking, and casual sex. These are not effective ways to get over someone, and they can cause more problems.[12]Thanks!
- If you are depressed and thinking about hurting yourself, seek help as soon as possible so you can feel better. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline's 24 hour toll-free crisis hotline (1-800-273-8255).Thanks!
References
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/broken-heart.html
- ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/dating/breaking_up.html
- ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/dating/breaking_up.html
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tips-to-mend-a-broken-heart#2
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/996edc30-d6e9-480b-b4a8-15b626f0aa76
- ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/996edc30-d6e9-480b-b4a8-15b626f0aa76
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201804/six-psychological-strategies-getting-over-bad-breakup
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
About This Article
it can be hurtful to learn that a guy you liked doesn’t care about you, but by addressing your feelings, enjoying your independence, and getting support from friends, you can get over him. Write your feelings about the guy down in a private journal or simply take some time to think about them, since you won’t be able to move on until you’ve acknowledged how you feel. Try to come up with a list of positive things about yourself, like things you’ve achieved or good character traits you have, as this will help boost your self-esteem. Make time each day for activities you enjoy doing alone, like reading or taking a bath. Reach out to friends and family members to plan fun activities together, since having a good social life with those close to you will help you move on. For tips on how to stay optimistic about the future after someone has rejected you, read on!
