This article was co-authored by Eddy Baller. Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach based in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills and relationships. He runs his own dating consulting and coaching service named Conquer and Win, the only BBB accredited dating coaching business in Vancouver. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.
This article has been viewed 463,429 times.
Flirting is fun. It's often the prelude to asking someone we fancy out on a date. However, flirting can get annoying, especially when it is persistent when it is unwanted, and when it is poorly done. Many people make mistakes when they flirt that dampen the ardor of the person they're interested in, and what's worse, they don't even know what they did wrong.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 2:Flirting Over Text
-
1Prefer open-ended questions to those with simple one-word answers. You want to keep the conversation going, and the best way to do that is to keep the other person talking. However, don't get too personal during your initial conversations. Doing so will make you appear creepy. Examples of suitable things to ask include:
- "How was your day?"
- "So, what are your favorite hobbies?"
- "Where do you like to go on the weekends?"
-
2Mind your spelling and grammar. This isn't 2005 when you were texting your friends in the code designed for your flip-phone's numeric keypad. You probably have a smartphone now, or at least a slider with a full keyboard. Type out full words and use proper punctuation. Disregarding grammar and using chat-speak makes you look childish.
- Another faux-pas is using too many emoticons. Use those smiley faces and winks sparingly.
-
3Avoid overtly-sexual humor. A little innuendo is fine and even desirable in some cases. However, draw the line at any joke that makes outright references to sexual acts, especially in the context of your love-interest.
- Of course, racial and ethnic jokes are never okay.
- Also, do we even have to say it? No nude pictures, please.
-
4Don't blow up your love interest's phone. If you haven't heard from your love-interest in a few minutes to a few hours, don't send him or her text after text asking if he or she received your message. Behavior such as this is a big red flag for someone who is desperate, has no life, or worse, is a creepy stalker waiting to happen. Not to mention, it is very annoying to the other person.
-
5Choose words that aren't too suggestive or flirtatious. Aim to be polite and respectful of the other person, showing that you're keen to get to know him or her better. For instance, you could use common references to start a conversation: instead of saying "Hi, how are you," you could say it like Joey from Friends, "How you doin'?" This shows you have a sense of humor and are on the same wavelength as the other person
Part 2
Part 2 of 2:Flirting Face to Face
-
1Make eye contact. Eye contact is very important in human-to-human interaction, but it has an added element when it comes to partner selection.[1] When you meet your crush's eyes, you are demonstrating[2] that you're into him or her without being obvious about it. Here are some ways not to do it:
- Avoid staring at the other person's body. It can be considered as "sexing", which isn't really comfortable for some people. A lingering glance is okay, though.
- Avoid staring into the eyes without a break. That's plain creepy!
-
2Start an easy conversation. It doesn't need to be long at first, and it definitely shouldn't be complicated or make your partner feel uncomfortable.[3] Here are some tips:
- Don't make "you" the main topic of conversation. Your partner will think that you're arrogant and just a bit boring.
- Get him or her talking about him or herself. Not only will you learn about the other person, he or she will also enjoy the conversation and want to continue talking.
- Avoid talking about personal or touchy things, especially money, faith, and politics. Money is a general turn-off (especially boasting or acting desperate) while beliefs can be navigated a little later on, when you're both feeling a little more certain about one another.
-
3Know when to back off. Nothing is more annoying that having someone that you're not interested in keep pursuing you. Watch the other person's body language for clues on how he or she is feeling about you. Some signals are deliberate while others are done instinctively, almost without the other person knowing it.
- If the person you're flirting with is a woman and she puts her purse[4] between you and her or grips it tightly, she's sending you a signal that she's not interested in you.
- Another signal is the direction of the body. If his or her body faces away from you, even if it's just the angle of his or her legs, it's time to move on.
- He or she may also come right out and tell you that he or she is not interested. If this happens, then politely leave.
- Remember to respect the other person's space, even when you're flirting.[5]
Community Q&A
-
QuestionIt's awkward when I talk to him. What can I do?
Community AnswerTry to start am easy conversation. Pick a topic you enjoy, such as a sport or activity you're involved in.
References
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ http://theartofcharm.com/flirting-and-attraction/eye-contact-attraction/
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2013/07/body-language-of-attraction/
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
About This Article
Flirting is fun, and if you choose subtle ways to go about it, you can avoid being annoying! One of the simplest ways to flirt over text is to let your humor shine through. For instance, you could text them a fun, silly greeting or send a few fun emojis. If you want to keep the conversation going, make sure to ask open-ended questions like “How was your day?” or “What have you been up to this weekend?” If you don’t hear from them for a while, take a break from texting them so you don’t seem desperate. If you’re flirting face to face, make eye contact and smile, which will go a long way! Don’t make eye contact for too long though, since this can come off as creepy. To learn how to keep the conversation light, read on!
