Like a Guy You're Not Attracted To? 11 Ways to Boost Your Attraction to Him

Co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: August 2, 2021 References

Feeling attracted to someone is a large part of a romantic relationship. However, many couples aren’t attracted to each other after the first date (or even the first few dates). If you like a guy but you just aren’t attracted to him yet, you can make an effort to get closer to him and pick out his good qualities. Over time, you might just be able to get to know him more and start a beautiful relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 11:
Go out on a few dates together.

1
The more time you spend together, the more attraction you may feel. Oftentimes, people go out on one date with a person and decide they’re not interested. Just because you didn’t feel that spark right away doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel it!^{[1]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.} Keep hanging out with him to see where things go.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- First dates can be a little awkward, and they’re often clouded with nervous energy. If you two hang out more, you might find that you are actually attracted to him.
- Doing something to get your adrenaline pumping is a good way to see another side of him. Try watching a horror movie, going bungee jumping, or trying rock-climbing.
Advertisement

Method 2

Method 2 of 11:
Look into his eyes.

1
Psychologists think that eye contact can make people fall in love. If you’d like to increase your attraction to a guy, sit down and stare into his eyes for a full 4 minutes. Don’t look away (if you can help it), and try to keep your smiling and giggling to a minimum. After 4 minutes, you might just find that you like him a lot more now.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- This is probably more of a second or third date activity to try out in a private place.

Method 3

Method 3 of 11:
Try to appreciate his unconventional features.

1
You can redefine what you find attractive. Not everyone is attractive by society’s standards, and that’s okay. Just because he doesn’t have a perfectly symmetrical face or a toned and tanned body doesn’t mean you can’t find him hot. In your head, pick out his features that stand out to you, and try not to compare them to anyone else’s.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For instance, maybe his crooked teeth give him a charming smile. Or, maybe his bushy eyebrows give his face more expression.
Advertisement

Method 4

Method 4 of 11:
Become friends with him.

1
Focus on making a genuine connection with him.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.} If you aren’t feeling attracted to him right away, that’s okay! Treat him like a friend, and get to know him like you would anyone else. Ask about where he grew up and what his interests are, and share some things about yourself, too. This can also help take the pressure off of you so you aren’t forcing yourself to be romantically interested in someone.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- A lot of times, people become friends before they start dating anyway.

Method 5

Method 5 of 11:
Get to know him on a deeper level.

1
What are his hopes, his dreams, and his fears? If you aren’t attracted to him physically, you can be attracted to his personality. Ask him deep, personal questions and open yourself up to him so you two can grow closer.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Try asking things like, “What’s your biggest goal in life?” “Do you see yourself living in this city forever?” “Where do you want to be in 10 years?”
Advertisement

Method 6

Method 6 of 11:
Open up to him.

1
Be vulnerable with him to strengthen your relationship. As you two get to know each other, tell him about your life and what you hope to accomplish. Open up about your hopes, your dreams, and your fears to deepen your bond.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- You might say things like, “I’ve always wanted to live in New York City,” “When I was a kid, I wanted to travel the world,” “My main goal is to have a family and live on a farm.”
- As you get to know each other more, consider introducing him to your friends and family.

Method 7

Method 7 of 11:
Find your similarities.

1
Your common interests can lead to attraction. When you two hang out, what do you do together? Maybe you both enjoy the same hobbies or sports, or maybe you have similar values or goals in life. The more you can focus on what you have in common, the more you’ll feel attracted to him.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- If you don’t have anything in common right now, find a new activity that you can try together.
Advertisement

Method 8

Method 8 of 11:
Focus on his emotional maturity.

1
Communication and trust are an important part of attraction. If the guy you’re dating (or trying to date) is open, honest, and trustworthy, he’s probably emotionally mature. Think about how good of a partner he would be to increase your attraction to him.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- If he isn’t emotionally mature, that could be part of the reason why you aren’t attracted to him. In that case, it might be time to move on.

Method 9

Method 9 of 11:
Pick out his good qualities.

1
Name 5 things that you like about him right now. They don’t have to be physical—what about his emotions, his intelligence, or his kindness? If you can pick out his good qualities, you’re more likely to gain some attraction to him in the future.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- For instance, maybe he is smart, funny, kind, honest, and chivalrous. All of these are great qualities to look for in a potential partner.
Advertisement

Method 10

Method 10 of 11:
Forget about your “type.”

1
Don’t let the people you’ve dated influence your future. If you’ve typically gone for “bad boys,” it can be tough to fall for someone who’s genuinely nice and kind to you. Try to keep an open mind, and don’t reject someone just because they don’t fit into your type.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- It’s fine to have preferences, but try not to let those sway you from giving someone new a chance.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.}

Method 11

Method 11 of 11:
Move on if you really aren’t attracted to him.

1
If you just can’t find that spark, it’s okay to break it off.^{[14]
X
Expert Source

Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.} There’s no set timeline for how long this should take—some people know right away if it’s not going to work, while other people need a month (or more). In general, if you’ve been on 3 dates with him and you just aren’t attracted to him, it might be time to move on.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- It’s not fair to either you or him to keep trying when you know you aren’t attracted to him.
Advertisement