How to Date a Player

Co-authored by Maria Avgitidis and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: November 17, 2021 References

It's totally natural to be drawn to a player—they're charming, flirtatious, and fun to be around. That being said, there are a few rules to dating a player so you don't end up broken-hearted. If you go in with clear expectations and don't expect the person to commit to a relationship, you can both enjoy each other's company until it's time to part ways. Check out our suggestions for ways to protect your heart while having a blast with your player.

Method 1

Method 1 of 9:
Go for a player if you want a casual fling.

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Start a relationship if you're up for a challenge or just want something fun. Chances are the player won't stick around long enough for a committed relationship and that's totally okay if it's what you want! Agree to go out if you're completely fine with a short-term relationship.^{[1]
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Research source}
- If you'd rather have a more stable, romantic relationship with a long-term partner, keep your options open.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 9:
Catch their interest.

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Flirt with them and be your confident self. Flirting is a fantastic way to send subtle signals that you're interested in the player. It might help if you two have some of the same interests, so you can casually start up a conversation.^{[2]
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Research source} Just remember that you don't have to change yourself in order to get with the person.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- Match their level of flirting so you don't come off as trying too hard. For instance, everything you say shouldn't be flirtatious or you may look desperate. Instead, flirt a little and see how they respond. If they flirt back, keep it up.

Method 3

Method 3 of 9:
Wait for the player to ask you out.

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Players love the thrill of the chase! This is one of the reasons they like to date so much—there's the challenge of getting a new partner. If you ask them out, they may see you as too eager and possibly clingy. Want to really get their attention? Play hard to get—don't always hang out around them, act busy, and don't hang on their every word. Wait for them to ask you out.
- If it feels like you're waiting forever for them to ask you out, up your flirting game or move on. They may need a clearer sign that you're interested or they may be getting involved in other relationships.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 9:
Accept the person for who they are.

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You'll have a lot better time if you don't try to change the person. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you can convince the player to settle down or commit to you. Remind yourself that their relationship personality is flirtatious and you shouldn't try to change it.^{[4]
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- It's also not fair to the player to shame them or make them feel bad about who they are. If you've both been clear about what kind of relationship you have, then you can avoid a lot of heartache.

Method 5

Method 5 of 9:
Expect them to be emotionally distant.

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Players often guard their emotions and won't romantically attach. This might be because they've had tough emotional experiences in the past, they might have trouble empathizing with partners, or they're more self-centered. Whatever the reason, don't take it personally if they don't connect with you emotionally.^{[5]
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Research source} Remember, this relationship is supposed to be fun, spontaneous, and casual!^{[6]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- If you're emotionally vulnerable, it might be hard for you to date a player. You may need emotional support or an authentic connection from a longer-lasting relationship.
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Method 6

Method 6 of 9:
Set your own boundaries.

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Dating a player should be fun, not dramatic or stressful. If you find that the player is blowing hot and cold and that your feelings are getting hurt, say something to them! Let them know that you're not okay with that treatment. They may apologize and treat you better or they'll decide they're not interested in seeing you. Either way, it's important to stand up for yourself.^{[7]
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- For example, you might say, "We were supposed to meet up last night, but you never came by or texted. You need to let me know when your plans change so I can make plans of my own."

Method 7

Method 7 of 9:
Guard your emotions.

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Remind yourself that players aren't looking for commitment. Don't let yourself fall in love with the player. If this means that you sometimes take breaks from them or you date other people, too, fine!^{[8]
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- If you started dating a player for fun, but find yourself getting emotionally involved, it's time to talk with them about where the relationship is headed. Don't be surprised if they're ready to end it at the first sign of your attachment.
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Method 8

Method 8 of 9:
Have fun with the relationship.

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Most players aren't going to settle down so enjoy the craziness! You're probably drawn to a player because they're exciting and unpredictable. Give yourself permission to totally enjoy the spontaneity and fun that comes with dating a player. Sure, it won't last forever, but you can get a lot of enjoyment out of a temporary relationship.^{[9]
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- If you're uptight or pushy about how to spend time with your player, they may lose interest. It's better to go with the flow and be open to new experiences.

Method 9

Method 9 of 9:
Keep the relationship short.

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Players aren't looking for long-term relationships! At some point, one of you will lose interest in the other and it's best to say goodbye instead of dragging things out.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.} If the player is suddenly not answering your messages, don't see it as a game where you're trying to win them back. Remind yourself that you had fun for a while, but that it's time to move on.^{[11]
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Research source}
- In some cases, the player might come out and say, "I don't want to be in a relationship." Take their word for it and don't treat this like a challenge that you can overcome.
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Community Q&A

Question

What can I do to make my first date more memorable or enjoyable for both parties?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

Be yourself, do not pretend. Show up on time, be present. Keep your phone aside. Try to see the best in the other person. Focus on what you like about each other instead of what you do not like.
Question

How do you know you are being weird while flirting?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

You can know that you are being weird while flirting by observing the other person's body language. If they turn their feet away from you, start taking steps back, start nodding more and not contribute to the conversation, you can understand that you are not saying the right things.
Question

How can I end a date that went badly?

Maria Avgitidis
Matchmaker & Dating Expert
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Matchmaker & Dating Expert

Expert Answer

If you don't want a second or third date, or if you're not feeling it, the best option is to text them. You can send this message - I had a good time, and it was nice meeting you. Unfortunately, I don't feel long-term chemistry. I genuinely wish you luck on your search! Thank you for being an absolute gentleman on our date.