How to Date As a Single Mom

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: October 25, 2021 References

Dating as a single mom can seem like a daunting step, but with the right strategies, it can be empowering and fulfilling. To start dating, you’ll need to meet new people and get back into the dating scene. When it’s time to make a date, you can plan carefully to avoid over-scheduling yourself. If you do end up in a relationship, you can introduce your partner to your child when the time is right for both of you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:
Meeting New People

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Visit kid-friendly places to meet people without needing a babysitter. Instead of going to kid-centered activities, find more adult places that allow kids, like museums, farmer’s markets, and bookstores. Your tot can tag along while you socialize with other people in an less childish setting. Talk with people who you find interesting, and don’t be afraid to share your contact information to continue a good conversation.^{[1]
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- Keep in mind that if your kid starts to become restless in one of these places, you may need to step away for a few minutes to calm them down. People at these events may not be as accepting as other parents.
2
Ask friends and family to set you up for a date. If you’re looking for something more serious, tell your friends and family that you’re open to dating. Let them know that you’d be open to dating a mutual friend if they thought the two of you might be compatible.^{[2]
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- Don’t be afraid to ask about a specific person who you have your eye on. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know!
- Remember to remind your friends and family that whoever they set you up with should be trustworthy and good with children.
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3
Try online dating for fun confidence boost without much pressure. Download an app like Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, or PlentyofFish and fill out a profile including some pictures of yourself. Match with potential dates and message them a bit before arranging a date. If you’re upfront about having a kid, you’ll get messages from people who are comfortable with dating a single mom.^{[3]
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- Keep in mind that not everyone on dating sites is who they say they are. If you’re serious about someone, get their phone number and arrange a phone call or video chat before you meet. Always remember to be safe when talking to people online.
- Online dating is great for seeing your options and can be ideal for someone who’s just looking to get back into the dating scene.
4
Trust your gut when talking to a potential date. When you’re chatting with someone who you might be interested in dating, ask yourself if it feels right. If you’re confident, ask them if they would want to go out sometime. If something feels off, remove yourself from the situation and look for a better match.^{[4]
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- Whenever you’re talking to a potential date or going out with someone, you should never feel pressured to make them a priority over your child. If you do, let them know that your child comes first.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:
Scheduling a Date

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Make time in your schedule for dating. As a single mom, you might feel like you’re pulled in a million different directions. However, make time for yourself in your schedule every week, even if it’s just a few hours. Use this time to go on a quick date if you’re committed to finding a match.^{[5]
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- You might choose to set aside your “me” time for Friday evenings to make planning for a date easier. Remember that you should have some sort of child care organized for that time every week.
2
Opt for a date during the day if you have limited time in the evenings. It might be easier for you to squeeze a date into the middle of the day when your child is at school or daycare. Plan a quick coffee date or lunch date to get to know someone and spend some time with them. If things go well, you can make it a regular date, or you can block out more time in your schedule for another date.^{[6]
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- For instance, you can plan to get coffee during your lunch break at work with a potential date. That way, you’ll have an hour to talk and get to know each other without cutting into your time with your child.
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Plan evening dates for nights when you have childcare. If you have a babysitter or family member who watches your kid some evenings, ask them if they’d be available on a night when you want to go on a date. Tell your date the time frame when you’ll be able to go out, and make sure you’re home in time.^{[7]
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- Try to limit dates to 1 or 2 evenings per week. It’s important to keep your child’s nighttime routine regular and being out frequently can disrupt that.
4
Avoid overnight dates unless your child is staying somewhere else. Sleepovers might seem tempting, especially when you’re just getting back into dating. As a general rule, try to avoid bringing someone home when your child is sleeping there. Find other ways to be intimate, and slowly transition into overnight dates.^{[8]
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- Your date should be understanding of this. If they aren’t, you may want to reconsider your relationship with them.
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:
Avoiding Conflicts

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Decide what kind of relationship you want to have before you start dating. Think about what you’re looking for in your relationship and where you can meet that kind of person. Try to decide whether you’re looking for a short-term relationship or a more long-term partner. Consider whether you’d be okay with dating another single parent.^{[9]
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- For example, if you’re looking for a short-term relationship, you might try online dating to make a quick connection.
- As in any relationship, be honest with a potential date about what kind of relationship you’re looking for.
2
Be upfront and honest about having children. If you’re thinking about dating someone, let them know that you have a kid. For accepting people, this might not be a problem, but remember to be understanding if someone isn’t interested in dating once they know your situation. It’s better to know their stance on children before you’re invested in a relationship.^{[10]
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- For an online dating profile, you can put something like, “Must be good with kids!” to open up a conversation about children with a potential match.
3
Let your child know that you’re going to be dating. If your child is old enough to understand dating and relationships, which is normally around 3 or 4 years old, have an honest conversation with them about what’s going on. Let them know they’re always going to be the top priority for you, and let them ask questions about the situation to calm their fears.^{[11]
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- For instance, you might say something like, “I’ve been feeling kind of lonely lately, and I want to start dating again. What do you think of that?” By opening up the conversation with how you’re feeling and asking for their opinion, you’re showing them that you’ve been considering how they might feel.
- Never feel guilty about wanting to date. It’s natural to want a life partner and someone who you can spend your time with.
4
Wait to introduce your child to a potential partner. When you start dating someone, wait until you’re sure of your relationship to bring them around your child, which can take anywhere from 1-6 months. Take your time and keep your relationship separate because your child will naturally start to bond with them as soon as they meet. If you do break up, it can be painful for both you and your child to deal with, no matter what age they are.^{[12]
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- If you have a child older than 10 or 11, let them express interest in meeting your new partner before you bring up the topic. It might take them longer to warm up to the idea, especially if you have a former partner who is still involved in their life.
5
Remember that your child is your priority, even if you’re in a new relationship. When you start seeing someone new, it can be tempting to invest all of your time and effort into making the relationship work. When you have a child, keep in mind that you have to balance your relationship with their needs. Check in with them frequently to see how they’re feeling.^{[13]
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- When you’re first dating, limit the time you spend together to a few days a week. This will help to lessen your child’s worries if they’re afraid that they might lose you.
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Community Q&A

Question

What to talk about on a first date?

Louie Felix
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Louie Felix is a Dating Coach and Matchmaker, and the founder and CEO of Matchmaking VIP, a company which provides concierge-level matchmaking services to clients around the world. He is also the COO of Agape Matchmaking based in New York City. With almost 16 years of professional matchmaking and dating coaching experience, Louie has served as CEO for the United States' two largest matchmaking companies serving over 50,000 clients. He has been featured as an expert matchmaker for shows on E! Entertainment Television, WeTV and the CW. He was also recently acknowledged as a top 5 worldwide matchmaker by both the International Dating Conference and the Matchmakers Alliance. Louie was also selected as one of America's top 10 Relationship Experts for the Great Love Debate National Tour.

Louie Felix

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Stay away from discussing past relationships, as you should express interest in who you're meeting, not in the past. You also just want to have a conversation to try to get to know them without setting too many expectations or intentions on where you'd like it to go.

Warnings

If your date ever makes you feel worried about your safety or the safety of your child, don’t hesitate to cease all contact with them and get in touch with law enforcement for advice.

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