How to Cope with Breaking Up with Someone You Love

Co-authored by Hannah Madden

Last Updated: November 28, 2021 References

All breakups are hard, but when you have to let go of someone you love, it can be even more heartbreaking. Saying goodbye to someone you still have feelings for is never easy, but with enough time, you’ll be able to process your emotions and move forward. In this article, we’ve compiled a list of tips to help you cope after a tough breakup so you can heal in your own time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 11:
Spend some time apart from your ex.

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Even if it ended on okay terms, time apart will help you heal. Try to not talk to your ex for at least a couple of weeks, if not longer. Immediately chatting with them or texting again can blur some boundaries for you, and it can make it much harder to process your own feelings if you’re still in contact.^{[1]
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- You might also want to unfollow them on social media, at least for a little while. That way, you won’t be updated about their life and what they’re up to.

Method 2

Method 2 of 11:
Set boundaries if you do contact them again.

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Make sure you both treat each other like exes, not partners. If you do need to talk to your ex again (maybe about finances, or your living situation), set clear boundaries for communication going forward. That way, it won’t muddy the waters of your relationship any further. You could say something like:^{[2]
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- “I know we need to talk about who’s going to move out and who’s going to stay here, but that’s all I want to talk about. Please don’t bring up anything about our relationship right now.”
- “I’d like to come over and grab some of my stuff. I’m going to bring a friend with me, so please don’t try to talk to me about our relationship.”

Method 3

Method 3 of 11:
Lean on your friends and family.

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Your loved ones can provide the support and care that you need right now. After your breakup, call up a close friend or head over to a family member’s house to talk about things. And if you don’t really want to talk about what’s going on right now, just hang out to keep your mind off things.^{[3]
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- Being with friends and family can also help keep you from feeling too lonely, especially while the breakup is still fresh.
- It’s fairly common for people to isolate themselves after a breakup, but doing this can actually make you feel worse. Try reaching out to your loved ones when you can, even if you really don’t feel like it.

Method 4

Method 4 of 11:
Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

1
Bottling up your emotions will only make you feel worse. Try not to suppress anything, and let yourself process however you need to. A lot of people find it helpful to journal about what they’re feeling, while others like to talk with people close to them. Whatever you need to do right now, you should do it.^{[4]
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- You could also try painting or drawing as a form of healthy self-expression.
- If you’re struggling to process your emotions on your own, talking to a mental health professional could help.

Method 5

Method 5 of 11:
Remember the bad times along with the good.

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It’s easy to romanticize past relationships once they’re over. To keep these memories from being too painful, be sure to acknowledge the bad times that you went through, too. Every couple argues and goes through tough times, so chances are, you probably did, too.^{[5]
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- For instance, what was it that you two fought about the most? What didn’t you like about your ex?
- It might help to write these things down on paper so you can look back at them whenever you’re feeling down.

Method 6

Method 6 of 11:
Turn the relationship into a learning moment.

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What knowledge can you take into future relationships? Just because this one didn’t work out doesn’t mean that it was a waste of your time at all. Spend some time thinking about what you learned with your ex and how you grew as a person, too. It can help you feel better about the relationship as a whole, especially if you’re having regrets about how long you were together.^{[6]
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- For instance, if neither of you were clear about your expectations upfront, you might now know that you need to talk about your future plans well in advance.
- Or, if you think you took things too fast, you might learn that you’re the type of person who needs to take a relationship slowly, one step at a time.

Method 7

Method 7 of 11:
Practice self-care.

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Set aside a few minutes every day to do something nice for yourself. Maybe you could buy yourself a cup of coffee, or maybe you could head out into nature and take a short walk. Whatever’s going to make you feel better, that’s what you should do—and you should try to do something every single day.^{[7]
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- You could also soak in a bubble bath, try baking a new recipe, read a good book, or listen to your favorite music.

Method 8

Method 8 of 11:
Keep up your daily routine.

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It might be the last thing on your mind, but you still need to eat and sleep. Make sure you’re eating healthy, balanced meals, and try to get at least 8 hours of sleep every night. If you’re struggling with your routine a little bit (there’s no shame in it if you are), try asking a friend to check in on you and see if you’ve eaten or had a nap today.^{[8]
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- You should also try to get up and move every single day, even if it’s only for a little while. Light exercise can really help boost your mood over time.

Method 9

Method 9 of 11:
Distract yourself with your hobbies.

1
Try to keep yourself busy so you don’t have time to ruminate on things. Dive into your favorite hobby, or consider picking up a new one you’ve never tried before. You’ll feel good, and you’ll give your brain a little break, too. The more you can get yourself out of the house, the better!^{[9]
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- You could try swimming, embroidering, hiking, jewelry-making, or even baking.
- Maybe there was something you really liked to do that your ex couldn’t stand. If you haven’t gotten to do that in a while, take advantage of your new situation and go do it on your own.

Method 10

Method 10 of 11:
Be careful when using substances.

1
Drugs and alcohol aren’t healthy coping mechanisms. It can seem like the natural thing to do when you break up, but drowning your feelings by using substances will probably only make you feel worse in the long run. Try not to use drugs or alcohol in excess, and reach out to a mental health professional if you feel like you’re going to.^{[10]
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- Having a few drinks with friends or a glass of wine with dinner won’t hurt. It only becomes a problem if you rely on those things to feel better.

Method 11

Method 11 of 11:
Set your sights on the future.

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It may not seem like it now, but you will move on from this breakup. You don’t ever have to hate your ex—in fact, they might always have a fond spot in your heart. However, keep in mind that time is the best healer, and if you give yourself enough of it, you’ll be able to move on and keep living your life.^{[11]
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- Be sure to give yourself a chance to move on from your ex before diving into a new relationship. It might sound like a good idea, but getting a new partner too quickly can actually be detrimental for your healing process.