How to Change a Woman's Mind About You

Co-authored by Patti Novak Williams and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: December 4, 2021 References

If a woman has the wrong impression of you, you can change her mind about you by showing her the person you truly are. Be a great listener and do thoughtful things for her. If you're hoping to have a romantic relationship, express your feelings for her. You might find that you can change her mind just by improving communication.

Method 1

Method 1 of 9:
Do something nice for her.

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Surprise her with kindness if she has the wrong idea about you. If she thinks you're arrogant or self-centered, show her that you're actually a caring person. Sure, giving her flowers is a classic display of affection, but you could bring her a coffee or run an errand for her.^{[1]
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- If she's a co-worker, maybe you could help her with a project. Offer to do a task that she doesn't really enjoy doing.

Method 2

Method 2 of 9:
Make her laugh.

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Humor is a really effective way to connect with a woman. It shows her that you're smart, but you don't take yourself too seriously. Being funny is really helpful if she thinks you have a high opinion of yourself or that you don't relate well to others. Tell a few jokes and she may start to rethink her opinion of you.^{[2]
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- Stick with jokes that aren't at anyone's expense. She won't think well of you if you're telling jokes that hurt someone else's feelings.

Method 3

Method 3 of 9:
Pay her an authentic compliment.

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Say something nice before you try to persuade her. This might not seem very helpful, but research suggests that giving a compliment can soften someone's outlook so they're more likely to consider your perspective.^{[3]
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- Giving compliments also shows that you're not completely wrapped up in yourself. If she thinks you're rude, saying nice things might be enough to change her mind.
- For example, you might say, "Your earrings are beautiful. You always look really put together."

Method 4

Method 4 of 9:
Point out the things you have in common with her.

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Sharing similarities will put her at ease and could spark a connection. She might realize that she can relate to you if you share the same interests. This might even lead her to think that maybe she was wrong about you.^{[4]
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- For example, if she's talked about traveling somewhere you'd love to go, share your enthusiasm for the place! She might start to see you in a new, positive light.

Method 5

Method 5 of 9:
Be honest with her about your feelings.

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Don't pretend or ignore how you feel about her. It's obviously important to you that this woman think better of you, so don't hide how you feel. If you're interested in a romantic relationship, be open with her instead of just staying friends and hoping that she'll become attracted to you.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- For example, you could say, "I realize we haven't known each other very long and you might not think of me in this way, but I really like you and I'm hoping we could be more than just friends."
- Plus, a platonic friendship should be based on trust and respect. It's dishonest to simply be friends in the hopes she'll become your girlfriend.
- The key is to be truthful—don't tell her what you think she wants to hear or she'll think you're not authentic. Besides, you want her to like you for who you are.

Method 6

Method 6 of 9:
Listen to what she has to say without interrupting.

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If you're trying to change her mind, you might just listen for what you want to hear. Keep an open mind when you talk with her and ask her questions so you completely understand what she thinks and how she feels. Active listening is a great way to make a connection with someone, especially if you know she thinks you're rude and don't listen to people.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- For instance, show her that you're listening by saying something like, "It sounds like you've been through a pretty bad breakup and that your ex didn't really appreciate you."
- Make eye contact and mirror some of her gestures to create an unconscious connection with her. Just remember to look away occasionally so you're not being too intense with a direct gaze.

Method 7

Method 7 of 9:
Keep your body language open and confident.

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Show her that you feel comfortable in your own skin and easy to approach. Instead of hunching forward and making yourself seem small, push your chest out and pull your shoulders back. Stand straight and tall so you have a big presence. Keep your arms at your sides instead of crossing them so you don't look standoffish.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
Official peer-reviewed and multidisciplary journal for the National Academy of Sciences.
Go to source}
- Confidence is contagious—if you want to change her mind, show her that you believe in yourself and that you value yourself.
- Don't forget to read her nonverbal cues. If she's open and receptive to what you're saying, she'll probably have her arms open instead of crossed and she'll make eye contact. If she's not into what you're saying, she'll probably glance away and keep her arms crossed in front of her.

Method 8

Method 8 of 9:
Look your best so you impress her.

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Dress the part so the woman thinks more highly of you. Clean yourself up and wear a nice outfit, style your hair, and groom yourself, so you make her rethink her impression of you.^{[8]
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- This is especially important if you're usually really casual. Instead of throwing out lounge pants and an old T-shirt, for instance, wear nicer clothes that fit you well and take the time to accessorize your outfit. You'll look like you put more effort into your appearance and she'll notice.

Method 9

Method 9 of 9:
Don't nag or harass her to change her mind.

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If you've told her how you feel and ask her to think better of you, that's great! Give her a chance to think about how she feels before you bring it up again. She's more likely to change her mind if she doesn't feel pressured.^{[9]
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- She may be turned off if you constantly tease her, especially if she thinks of you as a player. Giving her some space shows maturity and interest in her as a person.
- This doesn't mean that you ignore her or don't respond when she's around. You don't want to validate a negative opinion that she might have of you.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I change a woman's mind about me if she spends time with me, but is also spending time with someone else?

Community Answer

Tell her how you feel. Let her know that you have serious feelings for her and you want to be in an exclusive relationship. If she needs time to think about it, give her that time. If she says she's not interested in a relationship with you, let her go and find somebody who is.
Question

How do I make a woman smile when she's angry?

Community Answer

If the situation is not intense or she is not angry with you, you can crack some jokes about the situation or something else. If it is an intense situation or she is angry with you, apologize and give her a little space before trying to make her smile.
Question

I love a girl who won't accept me because I'm divorced. What should I do?

Community Answer

Divorces happen for a variety of reasons. If it happened as a result of what your previous partner did, explain that to her. If it happened because of you being in the wrong, be open and honest about it and prove that whatever happened in the previous relationship won't happen if she were to be with you. Some women see divorces as a red flag because they think it'll be a repeat of whatever happened that went wrong last time. Just be a good person, and if you truly have changed your ways (if it was your fault the previous relationship ended badly), prove her wrong.
Question

I love a girl, but when I told her, she said she is not ready to be in a relationship right now, what should I do to change her mind?

Community Answer

If you really love her, you can be patient. Tell her that you respect her decision and you'd like to just be friends for now. Then just be someone she can count on. When she is ready to be in a relationship, you'll be there.
Question

How can I know if my girlfriend is just pretending to love me?

Community Answer

Tell her that you love her and then read her body language, paying attention particularly to her shoulders. If she seems happy, she probably loves you, but if she seems uncomfortable, confront her about it.
Question

How can I find out if a girl loves me?

Community Answer

The best way to find out if a girl loves you is to ask her! Take a deep breath, be prepared for her to say "no" and hope for the best.
Question

How do I become friends with someone again if they hate me?

Community Answer

Show them either you have changed or you are not as bad a person as they suspect you to be. Sometimes it might not work out. Sometimes you just have to move on.
Question

How do I deal with a situation in which there is a lot of conflict and my girlfriend keeps telling me it's over?

Community Answer

When a woman says it's over and you know you are in the wrong, then leave to create space for understanding of a situation. Time can heal all wounds and both individuals can grow with time apart. If she doesn't come back, it means the situation was very serious if there were no attempts to make amends.
Question

How do I change a woman's impression of me only using chat?

Community Answer

Act friendly and respectful, simple as that. Though don't overdo it, as she and everyone else will think you're a creep.
Question

I really want to win the heart of the girl I love. I've liked her for over a year by now, but have made no progress with her because I'm terrible at having conversations with her and her friends. What should I do?

Community Answer

First, study how to better engage her conversationally. These articles should have some useful tips: how to start a conversation with a girl and how to start a conversation when you have nothing to talk about. It's super important that you figure out how to communicate with her so the two of you can get to know each other better.

Warnings

Never think that you can change a woman's mind by being physically or verbally aggressive. Intimidation, threatening, and bullying are abusive.

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