How to Bond with Your Teenage Son

Give your teenager a high five. This basically means to offer your son some kind of physical touch. Every day do something in the form of a high five, fist bump, a squeeze of the hand, hug, pat on the back, or a kiss goodbye when he goes to school or work.

Have fun together. This is an easy one. Joke around, shoot some hoops, go to the mall, read, listen to music, and play Xbox. Be creative and enjoy!

Talk in the car. You might have more success doing something while talking with your teen. For example, driving––while driving him to school or practice, ask questions and listen carefully. See how it works out. Keep in mind, asking open ended questions is better!^[1]

• Cars are a great time for talking because nobody is going anywhere. It's an opportunity for the two of you to be more confidential too, as the enclosed nature of the car feels more intimate and safe. Of course, this is only when it's the two of you. As soon as someone else is in the car, all bets are off!

Be present. This can be hard for you and your son. Try to have moments with no phone distractions or multi-tasking. Try to be fully in the moment, carefree, and available. When your son is telling you something or asking you a question, put down whatever you're doing or stop watching that show, and really focus on your son.^[2]

• If you don't have time immediately to discuss something, make a time for later. Don't leave it too long, just a half hour or an hour later would be good. You'll know if it's really urgent and needs to be discussed "right now".

Sharpen your “asking” skills. One of the reasons teens don’t want to talk to parents is because of those annoying parental questions about homework, college applications, grades, teachers, cleaning the room, etc. These become repetitive and dull topics when constantly asked about. It’s a better idea to create a “pressure free zone”, meaning to leave those questions for another moment. A “pressure free zone” can help you uncover your teen’s deepest experiences and feelings that they haven’t told you.

Write your teen a letter or email. Some people do better talking about feelings when they write them down first. For example: "Hey Jake, I'm realizing we’re both very busy and get caught up in our busy schedules. I feel like I'm missing out on being with you. I would love to find a way to get together and just hang out, relax, watch TV or catch a baseball game, or whatever you felt like doing to unwind and have fun. I would definitely enjoy it. No pressure; just wanted to let you know." Love you.