From Shy to Social: 10 Tips to Be More Outgoing with Your Boyfriend

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: July 20, 2021 References

If you’re naturally kind of shy or quiet, being outgoing might not come easily to you. Being confident and outgoing around your boyfriend can really help strengthen your relationship, especially as you two get to know each other more. We’ve compiled some tips to help you come out of your shell and become a little more confident around your significant other.

Method 1

Method 1 of 10:
Spend quality time together.

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Go out on dates and hang out just the two of you. The more time you can spend with your boyfriend, the more you’ll feel comfortable and confident around him. Take him to do things you like to do, try out his favorite activities, or do something the two of you have never done before!^{[1]
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- It’s totally fine to hang out and watch Netflix every now and then, but really try to spend quality time together as much as you can. Even playing a board game or doing a puzzle together can be a fun date night at home.
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Method 2

Method 2 of 10:
Smile and make eye contact with him.

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It might be natural for you to look away or keep your head down. When you’re with your boyfriend, try to look him in the eye and smile or laugh at his jokes. You don’t have to stare at him the entire time, but this small change can make you seem more flirty, lively, and outgoing.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.}^{[3]
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- Smiling and making eye contact can also make you seem more energetic, which makes you look more outgoing.

Method 3

Method 3 of 10:
Try new things together.

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What’s something you’ve always wanted to do? Take your boyfriend and go do it! It could be something as big as skydiving, or something as simple as checking out a new restaurant in town. Whatever it is, your boyfriend will probably appreciate you taking the initiative to plan a fun new activity for the both of you.^{[4]
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- If you can’t think of anything, try asking for his input! He might have a fun date idea that you’ve never thought of before.
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Method 4

Method 4 of 10:
Be more talkative with him.

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You might be fine sitting in silence, but maybe he isn’t. Try to come up with fun conversation topics to keep in your back pocket. He’ll probably appreciate that you put in some effort to talk to him! Try things like:^{[5]
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- “Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 10 duck-sized horses?”
- “Tell me something embarrassing that happened to you recently.”

Method 5

Method 5 of 10:
Ask him questions to get to know him more.

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You’ll probably feel more confident around him once you two chat more. Get to know about his hopes, his fears, his dreams, and his life goals. Not only will it connect you two more, you’ll have much more to talk about with him. Good questions to ask include:^{[6]
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- “What’s your dream job?”
- “Who are you closest to in your family?”
- “What’s your biggest fear?”
- “What’s your happiest memory from childhood?”
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Method 6

Method 6 of 10:
Open up about your feelings.

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Don’t be afraid to tell him about your own hopes and dreams. As you two chat, answer any questions that he has for you. Although it might feel scary at first, opening yourself up to him will only bring you two closer.^{[7]
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- You don’t have to reveal everything about yourself right away, but you also shouldn’t hold back, either.

Method 7

Method 7 of 10:
Be assertive about your wants and needs.

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Being outgoing means being upfront about what you want. This can be as simple as telling your boyfriend where you want to eat, or it can be as complex as saying you just aren’t up to being in a crowd right now. Outgoing people aren’t shy about letting others know what they need in the moment. This is especially important if you’re an introvert and he’s an extrovert.^{[8]
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- Try to be specific, too. Instead of just saying, “I’m tired,” you could try, “I’m feeling socially drained and I need to be on my own for a few hours.”
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Method 8

Method 8 of 10:
Try to be more social around him.

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Invite your boyfriend along so you two can get out there together. Although your natural inclination might be to stay home and chill, it’s important to go to parties or out on the town. Challenge yourself to say yes more than you say no, if your schedule allows it.^{[9]
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- Even if you have a pretty small social battery, you can change that! Over time, your “social stamina” will increase, and you’ll be able to spend more time around people without getting tired.

Method 9

Method 9 of 10:
Dress up to feel more confident.

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When you look good, you feel good, too. You don’t need to get glammed up every day, but try going all out for date night every now and then. You can also dress up in lingerie to feel more confident and outgoing in the bedroom.^{[10]
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- Doing your hair and makeup might also help you feel more outgoing and confident, but it’s not a necessity.
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Method 10

Method 10 of 10:
Show confidence with open body language.

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Put your shoulders back and hold your head high. Keep your arms and legs uncrossed, and angle your body toward your boyfriend when you two talk. Although it might not sound like much, keeping your body language open will automatically make you seem more friendly and approachable (even to your partner).^{[11]
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- When you two are talking, keep your phone in your pocket or down on the table. Focus your attention on your boyfriend, not on a screen.