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This article was co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 17,718 times.
At some point in time, we all have been in a room full of people we don't really know. Such situations can cause anxiety or fear. Being confident in such a situation may seem difficult, but there are ways you can warm up before you go to the event. At the party, you can open up to new people with icebreakers and a confident stance. While it may be hard at first, soon you will be laughing and chatting with others naturally.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:Getting Over Social Anxiety
Method 1
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1Minimize negative thoughts. You may be focusing on what others are thinking about you, or you may worry that others are constantly judging you. Every time a thought like this pops up in your head, force yourself to forget it. Remind yourself quietly that people do not think that way about you and that they are just as nervous as you are.[1]
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2Breathe deeply. Deep breathing can help you relax both before and during social encounters. Sit straight and breathe deeply into your belly to calm your nerves. If you feel anxiety surfacing, focus on your inhalations and exhalations.[2] [3]Advertisement
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3Practice talking to strangers in public. The day of the event, warm up by talking to people everywhere you go. If you order coffee, start a conversation with the barista. Ask the bus driver how they are feeling. Call a family member or old friend to have a conversation. This can help you prepare for the larger gathering.[4]
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4Visualize the social situation. Before you go to the event, try to imagine what the situation will be like. Think of what kind of conversations you might have. Practice approaching people in your mind to prepare for the situation. This can remove much of the fear around talking to strangers.[5]
- For example, if you are going to a professional conference, you might discuss your work, presentations, the catering, or training. You may only know a few coworkers.
- If you are going to a party, you may know several people already. You might discuss the music, recent holidays, or fun stories about mutual friends.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:Mingling with People
Method 2
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1Introduce yourself. A strong introduction will make the rest of the conversation easier. That said, it can be difficult to jump straight into introducing yourself. At the beginning of the event, find someone sitting close to you. You can also find someone who looks as if they are alone or uncertain.
- A good introduction involves eye contact, a strong handshake, and a clear statement of your name. Keep it simple. Say, “Hi, I’m Sam.”
- If you are nervous, take a deep breath before going over.
- If you are at a party and know the host, you can ask them to introduce you to everyone else. This will ease the burden on you.[6]
- It may be easier to approach smaller groups or individuals until you meet more people at the event. It will be less awkward for you to start talking to them, and you will have a better chance of starting a good conversation.
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2Initiate conversations. You do not want to sit alone in a corner. Starting a conversation yourself will show that you are self-assured and at ease. You can ask people how they know the host, where they work, or where they’re from. These can help ease you into a natural conversation.
- You can ask: “How do you know the Wilsons? Have you been friends for a long time?”
- You can make comments on the atmosphere of the room, such as “Oh, do you know this song? I love it.” or “That dip is amazing. Do you know what’s in it?”
- You can also make a situational comment based on something you notice the person is doing, wearing, or drinking. For example: “What game are you all playing?” or "What beer are you drinking?" are good conversation starters at a party.
- If you're at a professional event, find a speaker or performer, and compliment them. For example, “You gave a great presentation. Where did you learn all of that?”[7]
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3Show interest in what others are saying. When people say something to you, you should respond eagerly and positively. Ask more questions for clarification, or share something about yourself of a similar nature. As you do so, lean in slightly. Smile and nod along to what they are saying.
- For example, if you asked where they lived and they said on the east side of town, you can say something like “Oh, there’s a great café over there that I love. Do you know it?”
- Balance listening with speaking. Make sure that the burden of the conversation isn’t on them, but don’t monopolize the conversation with your own stories. Trade stories back and forth to establish a nice rhythm.
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4Excuse yourself when the conversation fizzles. If you’re lucky, you’ll start a great conversation that lasts for a while, but if the conversation ends, don’t worry. You do not have to stand awkwardly next to someone if neither of you have anything to say. Politely excuse yourself and move on to someone else in the room. Include their name when you say goodbye to show them that the conversation was memorable to you. You can say:
- “Oh, excuse me, Nick. I’m going to get another drink.”
- “It was lovely meeting you, Jennifer. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go thank the host now.”
- “Good luck in the future, Mary. I’m going to duck outside for a minute.”
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:Expressing Confidence Through Body Language
Method 3
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1Stand straight. A confident stance can make you feel bolder even when you are nervous. [8] Open up your posture by holding your shoulders back and keeping your back straight. Don’t cross your arms or hunch your shoulders. These will close you off to other people and make you less approachable.
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2Make eye contact. Eye contact shows that you are interested and engaged with other people. When you are listening to someone, try to stay focused on their face. As you speak to a group, casually let your eyes linger on each member of the group to show that you are speaking to all of them.
- When speaking, don't just maintain eye contact with your friends. Take risks, and look at someone you have just met.
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3Use hand gestures to emphasize your words. When people are nervous, they have a tendency to hide their hands or cross their arms. Instead, you want to show that you are animated and interested in the conversation.
- Hold your hands out with the palms facing up. This is an open gesture that indicates honesty.
- Sweep your hands outside of your body to make a large point, but don’t overdo it.
- Touching your neck, hair, or face can indicate nervousness. Try to avoid it if you want to appear confident.[9]
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4Smile. Positive expressions will attract people towards you, and it will encourage them to start meaningful conversations with you.[10] It also demonstrates that you are comfortable in your surroundings. Even if you are feeling anxious or uncomfortable, try to put a small smile on your face.Advertisement
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I be confident when I'm presenting to a room full of people?
Donna Novak, Psy.DDr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.
Licensed Clinical PsychologistPreparation is one of the most important things. If you know what you're going to say, you'll be less anxious when it comes time to say it. Also, it's helpful to prepare things you can use to remind yourself in the moment that everything is okay. That could be some deep breaths, repeating a mantra in your head, or even feeling the texture of your pants or holding onto something to help ground you in the present.
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QuestionHow can I be confident when I'm not?
Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerOnly you know when you are not feeling confident. Very often it does not show to others. Make sure you are not engaging in any negative self-talk. Be positive and tell yourself you can do it.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow do you walk into a room with confidence?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerIt helps to hold your head up, be aware of your breathing, and have good posture. Be sure to look around and notice everyone and say hello.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow do you talk confidently with a stranger?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerTry to make strong eye contact and not worry about how you are coming across. Be genuinely interested in the other person.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow do you be the most confident person in the room?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerIt might be enough to be a confident person and not the "most confident." It begins with the belief in yourself, trust in yourself, and putting less importance on what others think of you.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow can I be confident when I'm not?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerOwn your lack of confidence, but talk yourself through it. Focus on being confident, graceful, comfortable and open. It is surprising how much of how you feel has to do with your own attitude toward yourself!Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow do you walk into a room with confidence?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerBe aware of your posture—hold yourself with confidence. Keep your focus as you enter; stay aware of others, smile, and use a welcoming expression.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow do you be the most confident person in the room?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerYou must begin by believing in yourself—use positive self-talk if you need a pep talk. Smile, use good posture, and make eye contact with others.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
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QuestionHow do you start a conversation with a new person?Klare Heston, LCSWKlare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
Licensed Social WorkerCultivate a positive attitude about talking to others. If you want to talk to a stranger confidently, try not to be nervous. Others are most likely interested in meeting you. It is usually negative self-talk that gets in the way. The other person will, in all likelihood, appreciate that you reached out.Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.
Warnings
- Confidence may take a long time to build. It’s good to fake confidence even when you don’t have it. Soon, socializing with strangers will become easier, and you will really will be confident in a room of strangers.Thanks!
- It is possible that you may freak out and completely mess up in front of people, but don't worry; the first impression isn't the last. People will give you more than one chance. You can also take comfort from the fact that you may never see some of these people again.Thanks!
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References
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder-and-social-phobia.htm
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder-and-social-phobia.htm
- ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.
- ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/social-anxiety/anxiety-around-strangers
- ↑ http://www.calmclinic.com/social-anxiety/anxiety-around-strangers
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/howtomingleatparties
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/howtomingleatparties
- ↑ https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brain-wise/201209/your-hand-gestures-are-speaking-you
About This Article
Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D. Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence. This article has been viewed 17,718 times.
Co-authors: 13
Updated: June 7, 2021
Views: 17,718
Categories: Confidence | Social Interactions
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